


And Then There Were None

by WhenIWasAYoungBoy



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe, Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Heathers, F/M, It doesn't even count, There's a tiny bit of smut in chapter 5, updates every Friday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-11-18 05:16:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 21,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11284443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenIWasAYoungBoy/pseuds/WhenIWasAYoungBoy
Summary: Dear Diary,High school is Hell.





	1. Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Diary, 
> 
> All-in-all, today was a not too heinous day.

The bell rings. Three piercing screeches and everyone cheers. A surge of kids head out if the door eager for lunch. I step out slowly, at the back of the group. I find a spot on the steps and I sit. I glance around then begin to write. 

**_September 1st, 1989_ **

**_Dear Diary,_ **

**_I believe I'm a good person. You know, I think there's good in everyone, but, here we are, first day of senior year. I'm looking around at all these kids that I've known my whole life and I ask myself one question: What happened?_ **

I glance up slightly as a few kids get surrounded. A few look scared but most look resigned. The kids surrounding them point at them one by one.   
"Freak!" 

"Slut!" 

"Burnout!"  

"Bug-eyes!" 

"Poser!" 

"Lard-ass!" 

**_We used to be so tiny, happy and shiny, playing tag and getting chased.  
_**  
"Freak!" 

"Slut!" 

"Loser!" 

"Shortbus!" 

**_Singing, clapping, laughing, taking naps, baking cookies, eating paste._**

"Bull-dyke!" 

"Stuck-up!" 

"Hunchback!" 

**_Then we got bigger and I think that that was the trigger_**. I pause.  ** _Like the Huns invading Rome! Welcome to my school, this isn't any average high school: this is the Thunderdome. I just need to hold my breath and count the days. We're graduating soon!_**

"White trash!" 

**_College will definitely be paradise if I'm not dead by June! But I know, I know, that life can be beautiful. I pray - I'm praying - for a better way. If we changed back then, we could change again. We can be beautiful!_ **

A boy, a prep I think, knocks some kid down near me. The boy cries out. The prep sneers then runs off. 

**_Just not today._ **

I close my notebook over my finger as I look down at him. "Hey, are you okay?" 

"Get away, nerd." He manages to get up and walks off. I sit for a second, staring, then shake my head. Who cares. I get up to grab a tray of food from the canteen. The line should have gone down by now. From the canteen I can see out to the courtyard. A couple of kids are being pushed into the wall. A girl and two guys, I think. 

"Freak!" 

"Slut!" 

"Cripple!" 

"Homo!" 

"Homo!" 

" _Homo_!" I wince at the final, cruel yell. The kids get kicked around a bit more before the jocks move. Probably onto more interesting prey. I walk back to my step, balancing my notebook on it and writing as I walk. 

**_Things will get better as soon as my letter comes from Harvard, Duke, or Brown. I'll wake from this coma and take my diploma, then I can finally blow this town. I can't stop dreaming of ivy-covered walls and smoky French cafes.  
_**  
I brush past someone. That someone grips my arm and I look up to see Rax Balmera standing in front of me. 

"Watch it!"

_**Fight the urge to strike a match and send this dump ablaze!** _

He suddenly grins and upends my tray. I manage to grab my notebook but my lunch ends up on the floor. 

"Ooooops." I close my eyes for a second before taking a breath.  _Rax Balmera._   _Third year as linebacker. Eighth year of smacking lunch trays and BEING A HUGE DICK._ I mutter the last part under my breath but he still stops dead in front of me, glaring. 

" _What_  did you say to me skank?" 

"...Nothing." He sneers but turns and walks away. I let some of the tension out of my shoulders. I'd rather not get beaten up right now.

**_But I know, I know, I know! Life can be beautiful. I pray for a better way. We were kind before; we can be kind once more. We can be beautiful!_ **

I look up and see Allura and Hunk approaching. I grin and give a quick, small wave. Allura waves and Hunk smiles nervously back. 

"Hey Allura! Hey Hunk!" 

"Hey!" She bends down to give me a hand with my tray.  _Allura Altean and Hunk Garrett. My best friends since diapers. Both total sweethearts._

"Are we still on for movie night?" 

"Yep, always! You're on Jiffy Pop detail Hunk." 

"Guess what? I rented 'The Princess Bride.'" 

"Haha, again? Don't you have it memorized by now?" 

"Well, what can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending."

A jock runs up, jeering. 

"Watch out! It's Hunk. Wide load!  _Honnnnnk_!" He knocks Hunk's tray out of his hands.  _Rolo Beezer. Quarterback. He is the smartest person on the football team. Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf._ I turn to him and glare. 

" _Hey_! Pick that up right now!" He turns to me, actually looking slightly shocked. 

"I'm sorry, are you actually talking to me?" I toss my head at him. 

''Yes, I am. I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend. You're a high school has-been waiting to happen. A future gas station attendant." He pauses then leans in. 

"...You have a zit right there."

**_Dear diary: why..._  
** Why do they hate me?  
Why don't I fight back?  
Why do I act like such a creep? 

**_Why..._  
** Why won't he date me?  
Why did I hit him?  
Why do I cry myself to sleep? 

**_Why..._**  
Somebody hug me!  
Somebody fix me!  
Somebody save me!  
Send me a sign, God!  
Give me some hope here!  
Something to live for!

I look up as the doors open. Voltron have arrived, I see. 

" _Ah_! Lance, Keith and Shiro!" I roll my eyes.

**_Then there's Voltron. They float above it all._ **

"I love _Lance_ , Keith and Shiro. " 

**_Lance McClain. Head of... something. Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure he never shows up. His dad's loaded - he sells engagement rings._ **

"I hate Lance, _Keith_ , and Shiro!" 

**_Keith Kogane. Runs the yearbook. No discernible personality, but his mum is some kind of pilot or something? It's pretty hazy._ **

"I want Lance, Keith and _Shiro_!" 

**_And then there's Takashi Shirogane. The Almighty. He is a complete, stoic bastard._ **

''I need Lance, Keith and Shiro..."

**_They are solid Teflon - never bothered, never harassed. I would give anything to be like that._ **

''I'd like to date them."

'' _That would be beautiful...'_ '

"If I sat at their table, people would notice me!"

" _So beautiful_..." 

''I'd like them to be nicer..."

'' _That would be beautiful_...''

"I'd like to kidnap one of them and photograph them naked in an abandoned warehouse and leave them tied up for the rats!" 

 

* * *

 

 

I start to walk into the bathroom before stopping. Voltron are in here. Keith and Shiro are leaning against the sink... where's Lance? Suddenly there's the sound of vomiting and I pull a face. There he is. I hide around the corner of one of the stalls and watch. This might be my chance. Keith suddenly pulls a face. 

"Come on Lance. Bulimia is  _so_  '87.''

"Maybe you should see a doctor, Lance." There's a slight trace of... concern in Shiro's voice. 

"Yeah, Shiro. Maybe I should.'' He replies. His voice sounds weak. There's another gagging sound and Keith sighs. I hear footsteps and make sure I'm hidden. The door gets pushed open and Mr. Smythe walks into the bathroom. 

''Ah, Keith and Shiro." Lance vomits again. He wrinkles his nose and sighs. ''... and Lance. Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting? You're late for class."

I start at that then start to write on my own (forged) hall pass. 

"Lance wasn't feeling well. We're helping him.'' Shiro's voice is soft. Everyone knows that he's a teachers pet but Mr. Smythe's not having any of it, it seems. 

"Not without a hall pass you're not. A week's detention." I swallow then pipe up. 

"Actually, Mr. Smythe, all four of us are out on a hall pass. Yearbook committee.'' I see Shiro look over at me then back to Lance, raising his eyebrow. 

"...I see you're all listed. Hurry up and get where you're going." As soon as the door swings shut Shiro walks over to me and grabs the pass. 

"This is an excellent forgery. Who  _are_  you?" 

''...Katie Holt. I crave a boon."

''Hmmm. What boon?'' I swallow nervously, this is my one and only chance. 

"Let me sit at your table at lunch. Just once. No talking necessary. If people think you guys tolerate me, they'll leave me alone." Keith and Shiro look unimpressed but I continue. ''Before you answer, I also do report cards, permission slips and absence notes." Lance, sitting outside the stall now, pipes up. 

"How about prescriptions?" 

''Be quiet, Lance."

"Sorry, Keith." Shiro lifts up my face and inspects it quietly. 

"You  _do_  have good bone structure." Lance admits. "For a greasy little nobody that is." Keith is suddenly in front of me, inspecting me. 

" _And_  a symmetrical face! If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I'd have matching halves. That's very important." He sounds eager at the thought of cutting me in half. Or maybe he just likes symmetry. I'm hoping it's the second. 

"Of course, you could stand to lose a few pounds." A snooty voice comes from behind me. Shiro pauses, then smirks. 

"You know what? This could work." He gestures at Lance. "Do your thing. Mascara, maybe some lip gloss, and we're on our way. Get this girl some blush; and Keith? I need your brush. Let's make her beautiful." 

"Yeah! Let's do this." Lance sounds really enthusiastic about this. 

"It could work...'' Keith, not so much. 

''Okay Katie?" Shiro's asking me for permission but I doubt he'll take no for an answer. 

"Okay!"  _What do I have to loose?_

 

* * *

 

I can hear yelling. I look out the window to see Rax yelling at some kid he just pushed into. 

"Out of my way geek!''

"I really don't want any trouble -'' 

"You're gonna die at 3pm!'' He walks away but not before pushing the kid into a pair of girls. 

"Don't you  _dare_  touch me!''

"Get away, pervert!" They both shriek at him before walking off. 

"What did I ever do to them?" 

**_Who could survive this?  
I can't escape this!  
I think I'm dying!_ **

I glance up and see that Voltron are starting to move out. I stand, putting away my notebook, and follow. 

" _Whoa_. Lance, Keith, Shiro..." 

"And... someone!" They've caught sight of me but have no idea who I am. 

"Lance, Keith, Shiro..." 

"And a babe!" I pull a slight face at that, it was the jocks I think. I flick my eyes to the side slightly and see Allura staring, like she's trying to place my face. Hunk's nowhere to be seen. 

''Lance, Keith, Shiro..." Her eyes widen. 

" _Katie_?!" 

"Katie?" 

"Katie?" 

"Katie?!" I grin, this is going to be great. 

**_And you know what? Life can be beautiful! You hope, you dream, you pray,  
and you get your way! Ask me how it feels looking like hell on wheels... My God, it's beautiful! I might be beautiful! And when you're beautiful..._**

"Lance! Keith! Shiro! Katie!"

**_It's a beautiful frickin' day!_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this fanfiction! I'm really excited for it and I hope it's enjoyable for you all. Bold italics is handwriting. Rax and Rolo can be changed if people don't like them.


	2. Mr No-Name Kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear diary, 
> 
> I hurt one of my best friends and met the new kid.

**_Dear diary,_ **

 

****

**_I've been with Voltron for about three weeks now. It's nice, being untouchable. I no longer have to worry about getting knocked around or anything. I get protection and all I have to do in return is forge notes and signatures and stuff. Shiro's okay, kinda standoff-ish, Keith is kinda stroppy and bitchy, he's always trying to copy what Shiro does. Lance seems nice, still mean, he is part of Voltron, but still sort of nice._ **

****

"Hey, Katie!" I look up as Shiro, Keith and Lance sit down with me. I close my notebook and sit up a little more. "Okay, so, Katie. You can forge the Balmera twins' handwritings right? Rax's and Shay's?" I'm a little confused as to why Shiro's asking this but I nod. 

 

"...yeah. Why?" 

 

"I need you to write a letter. In his handwriting. Just copy exactly what I say." I pause, then shrug and rip out the back page of my notebook. 

 

"Sure."

 

"Okay, so..." 

 

* * *

 

 

After I'm done I put both notes in the middle. Lance picks them up and disappears. 

 

"Why did you have me put that note from Shay?" 

 

" _Because_ then he'll definitely go."

 

"To Rax's homecoming party?" I raise an eyebrow. Who's this for? 

 

"Exactly." Lance is back, standing next to the table. We all stand and start to walk.

 

"It's for Garrett. He's got a huge crush on Shay Balmera so, if he thinks she's going to be there, he'll go."

 

"...Hunk Garret?" 

 

"Obviously."

 

" _No_! You can't give this to him. He's liked her since kindergarten, back when we were all friends. If he found out..." I trail off. It would destroy him. 

 

"We're being _nice_. He'll be happy, thinking that she actually likes him. That little note from 'her' will give him wanking material for _weeks_."

 

"He's my _friend_." 

 

"Not anymore. We're your friends now. And, just admit it, you know that if _Hunk_ had your shot he'd have left you to rot already. So come _on_ , you don't need him anymore. You don't need Altea either. You're part of _our_ team now, you're flying with eagles. Unless, of course, you'd like to end up like him." They shove me backwards and I knock into someone. Hunk. 

 

"Pidge, look! Rax invited me to his homecoming party. There's even a note from his sister, Shay! This proves that she likes me." I swallow nervously. 

"...colour me stoked." 

"I’m so happy! I can't wait to tell Allura!" I watch as he turns and walks out. I want to reach out and tell him the truth but it would break him. He'd hate me. Shiro, Keith and Lance smirk at me and go out into the courtyard. I start to follow when an unfamiliar voice speaks up. 

 

"Y'know, you don't have to let them walk all over you like that." I turn. Sitting on the steps is a boy I've never seen before. He's wearing a black trench coat and has long, silvery-white hair. He raises an eyebrow. "I mean, you obviously have a soul. You just need to work on keeping it clean. 'We are all born marked for evil.'" He sighs and stands, walking away. 

 

"Uh, excuse me? You _can't_ just quote Baudelaire at me then walk away. I didn't even catch your name!" 

 

"I didn't throw it." I watch as he goes and sits at an empty table in the corner. I sigh and walk away. Rax and Rolo are standing near me. 

 

"Huh. Who does he think he is in that jacket, Bo Diddley?" 

 

"We should beat him up!" 

 

"We're _seniors_." I watch as they walk away, obviously off to torture some poor kid. I sit and start to write in my notebook. I suddenly hear multiple cries of 'holy shit'. I look up and see that everyone seems to be looking at the area that kid went. I start to push through the crowd then stop. Rolo is lying on the ground as the kid and Rax are swinging at each other. I see the kid's holding a book. He seems to be using it as a weapon. He looks beautiful. Kinda like an avenging angel. I can feel my face heat up slightly. I sigh. _Why is it, that, when you see boys fighting it looks really horrible but also feels so_ right _? I really shouldn't watch this crap. It's not who I am. But, with this kid?_ Damn _. So hey, mister no-name kid, I wonder who you are, and, if I asked, would you fight for me? And, I wonder if he could face the crowd, be seen with me and still act so proud? I wonder if he would hold my hand tight and carry me through no-man's land. It's fine if he wouldn't but I want to tell him that I'd fight for him if he'd fight for me. They could drive us underground, I really couldn't care how far in. He could set my broken bones and I know CPR._ I watch as he swings round and _slams_ his book into Rolo's face when he tries to punch him from behind. Suddenly I'm being pulled back. It's Voltron. They glare and drag me away. I glance back once more and see the kid staring at me. I flush and turn back around. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He appears! Also, if you can't tell, there were two notes. One from 'Rax' and one from 'Shay'. I'm also going to try and update this every Friday!


	3. Corn Nuts and Cherry Slushies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Diary,   
> Today feels like the last normal day I'll have for a long time.

Shiro, Keith, Lance and I are all in my garden. Croquet has been set up. Shiro is black, Keith is red, Lance is blue and I'm green. There's a conversation going on, something about that party tonight but my thoughts are occupied with that boy. I smirk slightly. Rax and Rolo deserved that beating. Shiro looks at me and raises his eyebrow.

"Hmm... you seem amused about something." I pull a face. 

"Yeah right." Lance rolls his eyes and smirks. 

" _Right_. Don't think I didn't see you checking out that boy earlier. The one who beat up Rax and Rolo? You're  _totally_  into him." I feel myself flush slightly but force myself to scoff. 

"I don't even know his name." Mostly because he didn't  _tell_  me... 

"Neither do I. He's in my American History I think?" I shrug, even though the question was rhetorical. Keith rolls his eyes. 

"We're off topic." Shiro knocks his black ball into Keith's red one. 

"I thought you were giving up on high school guys?" He says, ignoring Keith. 

"Well, you know what they say, never say never." Keith looks up at Shiro. 

"Are you taking the shots or knocking me out?" We all stare at him. 

"Keith. I play to  _win._ " Shiro places his foot on his black ball. He swings his mallet down hard on the ball, sending the adjacent red one rocketing into one of the flower beds. Keith pulls a face and sighs. 

" _Damn_." He walks over to where the ball landed. Shiro shrugs and takes a shot. He  _just_  misses the wicket. 

"Whatever. Your turn Keith." Keith shakes his head. 

"It's Lance's turn." We watch as Lance takes his shot. It goes through the wicket and he cheers. He then proceeds to miss his next shot. 

"Yo, Keith! Your go." We all turn to look at him. There's no way he can make that. He looks at the ball, at the tree next to him, then at the wicket. He shuffles round and hits the ball so it bounces off the tree. It goes straight through the wicket. Lance and I cheer. Shiro claps slowly. 

"Well done." There's the honk of a car horn and Matt steps outside. 

"Lance, your mum's here." He puts down his mallet. 

"Come on you two, I'll give you a lift." As they leave Matt walks down to stand with me. Just before he goes through the door, Shiro stops. 

"I'll pick you up at 8. Be ready." Then he leaves. Matt pulls a face. 

"He was nicer as a kid." I laugh and swat his arm. 

"He's not  _that_  bad!" Matt raises an eyebrow and I shake my head. "Let's go eat. I need to get ready soon."

 

* * *

 

I jump out of Shiro's car. Lance leans out the window. 

"Make sure to get the corn nuts, it's not a party without them." I nod. 

"BQ or plain?" 

" _BQ_!" Three indignant voices reply. I smile slightly and shake my head as I walk in. I grab a couple of bags of BQ corn nuts. Suddenly I hear a voice behind me. 

"Greetings and salutations. Are you going to get a slushie with that?" I turn, it's the boy from earlier. 

"No, but, if you're nice you can buy me one." He pulls a face. 

"That's like going to McDonald's and getting a salad." He sounds... deeply passionate about it. For some reason. I shake my head.  

"My name's Katie. Katie Holt." I hold out my hand. He looks at it then up at me and smirks. 

"I know who you are." I blush slightly and start to draw my hand back. He reaches forwards and shakes it. His hands are warm and slightly rough. 

"Lotor Galran." I smile. 

"Hmm... what's a Baudelaire-quoting badass like you doing in Sherwood, Ohio?" 

"Eh. My dad's work. Maybe you've seen the adverts for it? Zarkon Galran. The deconstruction guy?" I giggle. 

"At the end he presses a button and the screen blows up?" He nods. "That's your  _dad_?" 

"Yep. In all his toxic glory." I sigh. 

"Yeah. Everyone's life has static." I wince as someone, probably Lance, presses down on the car horn, hard. "Like, for instance, I don't really like my friends that much." He pulls a face. 

"I don't like your friends much either. Why don't you ditch that party and hang out with me here?" He spreads his arms. 

"At 7/11?  _Swanky_  first date." I chuckle. He shrugs. 

" _I_ like it here."

"No offence, but why?"

"Well, I mean, I've been through  _ten_  high schools and they start to get a bit blurry. There's no point planting roots because, well, we're always gone in a hurry. My dad keeps two pre-packed suitcases, so, really, it's only a matter of when. I don't learn the names and I don't bother with the faces. All I can really trust is this concrete oasis. The thing is, every time I'm about to despair there's a 7-11  _right there_. The beauty is, each store is the same from Las Vegas to Boston. These linoleum aisles that I  _love_  to get lost in. I pray at my altar of slush; yeah I live for that sweet frozen rush." I try to stifle a giggle but he still notices. He raises an eyebrow. "Yes?" 

"Nothing... it's just, you're literally waxing poetic about  _7/11_ of all places." He sticks out his tongue at me. He walks over to the slushie counter and fills it up.   
"Just freeze your brain. Suck on that straw and get lost in the pain. I've found that happiness appears when everything numbs. Who needs cocaine?" He grins at me and holds out the cup. "Care for a hit?" I smile back and take a sip before sitting up on the counter. 

"Does your mommy know you eat all this crap?" He smiles again but his eyes are sad. 

"Not anymore." I freeze slightly and the smile starts to slip from my face. His back's to me as I silently freak out. But, by the time he turns back, I've smoothed out my features. "When mom was alive we lived halfway normal. But now it's just me and my dad, so, we're  _way_  less formal. I learned to cook pasta and I learned to pay rent; learned the world doesn't owe you a cent." He gestures at me. "You're planning your future. You're going to go to some high-end college and marry a lawyer or something. But just remember that the sky's gonna hurt when it falls so you better begin building some walls." He looks slightly frantic. 

"Are you okay?" He nods.

"Just freeze your brain. Swim in the ice and get lost in the pain. Shut your eyes tight, till you vanish from sight. Make sure nothing remains. Do whatever it takes." He grips my shoulders. "Shatter your skull, fight pain with more pain!" He let's go and spins then turns again. "Just forget who you are and unburden your load. Let yourself forget that, in six weeks, you'll be back on the road again. And, when the voice in your head says that you're better off dead, please don't open a vein. Freeze your brain instead." He goes back over to the slushie machine and fills it up. Cherry. He holds it out to me. "Try it!" He's looking cheerful again, like he didn't just let out a bunch of emotional baggage. I take it from him with a smile. 

 

* * *

 

As we stand by his motorbike, I can see Shiro, Keith and Lance getting annoyed. I give a quick wave before turning back to Lotor. 

"I love your bike." He grins. 

"Thanks. Comes with my dad's job." I smile at him as Lance makes frantic hand gestures at me. 

"See you later?" 

"Definitely." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the party then it's... well. Question, do you want, like, explicit smut for that chapter or not?


	4. Big Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Diary, 
> 
> What the fuck have I done?

The first thing we see walking in is Rax standing on a breakfast bar. He starts to yell. 

''Dad always says "act your age." Well, you heard it man, it's time to rage!" There's a collective cheer at that. 

 

" _Let's blast the bass, turn out the light because there ain't nobody home tonight_!" He's walking out to the balcony, the doors are wide open and Rolo's sitting out there.   
"Drink, smoke, it's all cool. Let's get naked in my pool!" Rax suddenly breaks into a run and  _jumps_  the fence, dive bombing into the pool, dragging Rolo with him. Everyone whoops and I roll my eyes as half the group jumps down to join them and the others already down there. 

" _Punch the wall and start a fight! Ain't nobody home tonight_!" Rolo grins at everyone.   
"His folks have a waterbed so come upstairs and rest your head." Rax grins at Rolo then looks up at us and winks.  I pull a face. Gross. 

 

* * *

 

Everyone's cheering about... something. The music is on full, filling the entire house and almost shaking the walls. I lean on the bar, tipsy. 

"Alright... so it's salt,  _then_  lime and  _then_  shot!" Lance shakes his head. 

"No, no no! It's salt  _then_ -" Shiro suddenly butts in. 

"No Katie, you're doing it  _wrong_." I grin lazily at him. 

"Really? Because I feel  _great_!" A guy walking past stops and turns. 

"Katie? You are looking  _good_  tonight!" He grins at me. As soon as he's gone I turn, my eyes sparkling. 

"Did you see that? A hot guy just smiled at  _me_ without a single trace of mockery anywhere!" Shiro and Lance smile indulgently while Keith rolls his eyes. 

 

* * *

 

Everything's pretty hazy. I'm pretty stoned so I should probably stop smoking. I walk past a couple of girls. 

"Hey! Is that weed? I want a hit!" The girl closest to me smiles and shrugs before passing it to me. I grin at her. "Thanks!" 

 

* * *

 

I'm talking to Lance when I see a flash of yellow out if the corner of my eye. I turn. It's Hunk. I jog over to him. 

"...Hey Hunk." He turns and smiles. 

"Hey Pidge!" 

"I... can't believe you actually came..."

"I know! It's exciting, right? I bought sparkling cider! Hang on, I want to go say hello to Rax. Shay too, if she's here." I pause, a sick feeling in my stomach. I see Voltron glaring so I swallow thickly. I need to ask him something that's been on my mind too. 

"Yeah. Um... have you seen Allura recently?" He pauses. 

"No, I haven't. She's probably just sick." I nod. He grins once more and disappears into the crowd. I turn and Lance is in front of me. 

"Just remember, you're with us now." I nod slightly. They start to whisper with each other. Keith smirks and picks up the pig pinata from earlier. The other two grin and they all leave. In the distance I can see Hunk. I feel sick again. He's my friend, I shouldn't have done that. 

 

* * *

 

I approach Rax slowly. That note apologised for his actions but I'm still wary. I adjust my shirt slightly and clear my throat. He turns and raises an eyebrow at me. 

"Hey Rax... I wasn't going to come but after you and your sister took the time to write those letters..." Rax pulls a face. I hand him the cider, hands shaking slightly. 

"What note? Why d'you gotta be so  _weird_ all the time? If you acted normal, people wouldn't hate you so much." I flush slightly but, because of the lighting and my dark skin, it's probably not even visible. Rax chugs the cider before spitting it out almost instantaneously. I step forward. 

"Hey, are you-" He glares at me. 

"There's no  _alcohol_ in here! Are you tryingto  _poison_ me?!" I step back, stuttering an apology. 

 

* * *

 

Shiro's standing on a table. He claps twice and everyone looks at him. 

"Alright people! Time to celebrate our upcoming victory over the Razorbacks by wacking apart their mascot!" Everyone cheers and whoops! I frown, they're up to something. Shiro jumps off the table and Lance takes his place, holding a bat and a blindfold. 

"We need a volunteer!" Shiro, standing to the side, speaks up. 

"Hunk Garrett!" The boy in question looks up from the back of the room. "I think  _you_  should do the honours!" 

"I- I don't really know..." Lance grins. 

"Come on people! Let's show him some Garrison spirit!" Everyone cheers again. Then there's a chant. 

" _Hunk! Hunk! Hunk_!" The crowd pushes him forwards until he's at the front. He climbs up and Lance blindfolds him. Lance smirks and gestures off to the side. 

"Let's bring out the pinata!" Keith comes out holding the pinata. It now has a yellow shirt, an orange headband and a sign that says 'Hunk Garrett' on the side. Everyone laughs. I feel ill. 

"What are you doing? Keith, give that to me!" I go over to Keith and grab it. 

"Shiro, help!" Lance jumps down and him and Shiro join Keith and try to pull it back. I yank it back hard enough and they let go. 

"What is your damage?" I walk out onto the balcony. 

"You want this? You can swim for it!" I drop it down into the pool. I go back over and see that Hunk has just taken off the blindfold. 

"What's going on?" I sigh. 

"Look, go home. I'll explain everything later." 

"No, I was just going to-" 

"Hunk, go home." He looks round to see all the students glaring at him. He looks at me one more time before running out the room. I turn, suddenly feeling dizzy. It's too hot. I run into the hallway, my head spinning. Shiro storms up behind me. 

"What the  _hell_  was that?" 

"Look, we gave it a shot. I'm resigning from this. I'm going back to civilian life."

He grabs my shoulders and spins me round.  

"Please don't spin me, I'm not feeling well." He ignores me. 

"You don't get to be a nobody. Come Monday, you're an ex-somebody. Not even the  _losers_  will touch you now. Transfer to Washington, transfer to Jeffreyston, no one at the Garrison is going to let you play your reindeer games!" He let's go and I stagger. I take a few deep breaths before throwing up on the floor. I turn and find a closed water bottle. I swish the water around in my mouth and spit it out. Shiro is yelling still. 

"I raised you up from  _nothing_. And what do I get? I get payed in puke." I glare. 

"Oh, just lick it up baby, lick it up!" He looks murderous. I turn and run. 

 

* * *

 

Outside, I lean against an alley wall. 

"Shit, shit, shit!"  _What the fuck have I done?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!! Sorry for the late upload, I fell asleep. Next chapter is what I've been calling the 'Dead Girl Walking' chapter. Again, how smutty do you want it? 
> 
> Also, don't know if you noticed, one bit was from Hunk's point of view.


	5. Kitty Rose Saves the Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Diary, 
> 
> ...All I can say is thank God for cats.

I sigh. It's dark, probably early morning by now, and I've been wandering around for about an hour. I vaguely recognise some places but it might just be my imagination. I sigh again, louder this time. I hear the crinkling of leaves and turn to see a tabby cat jumping up onto a fence. I look back round and realise that I must have gone down a passage as now I'm walking behind houses. I smile at the cat, it's keeping pace with me. 

"Hey kitty. I bet you're wondering what I'm doing here? Yeah? The rundown is, this girl, 'the demon Queen of highschool' has decided to ruin my social standing because of something that happened at a party. And- hey, aren't you a cute little kitty?" I let my hand hover just above the cat's head and it stretches up to press into my palm. I smile, so cute! "I've got a little over a day before I get hunted down in study hall. I mean, I  _could_ just, like, change my name and go somewhere else. Seattle maybe? The only problem with that plan is that I don't own a motorbike. I mean I coul-" As I'm mulling over my options the cat suddenly starts meowing, loudly. I glance up to where it's looking and see a boy changing in the window. I shake my head. Wait. I turn back and look. Isn't that... "Lotor?" The cat mews and looks at me smugly. I grin and pet it a bit more. "Now  _there's_ an idea! Thanks buddy!" I pet the cat one more time before climbing up the fence. The light's off and I can't see any movement so he's probably gone to bed. I take a breath and start walking across the top of the fence. I almost trip a few times but I get to where his window is eventually. I look up, the gap between where I'm standing and his windowsill is about my height. How should I... Ah. There's a gap in the wall. If I do it right I should be able to... Shit. I'm stuck, dangling from a wall. I close my eyes, take a deep breath then open them again. Okay, I can do this. I let go with one of my hands and  _slam_ it onto the windowsill. I grab onto it and pull myself up. Oh, thank god, the window's open slightly. I push it open fully, thanking the Lord that it opens inwards, and step inside. It's... pretty bare. I shake my head and look over at the bed. I smirk and walk over. He looks at me as if he's not seeing me properly before jumping and focusing his eyes on me properly. His cheeks go red as he sits up. 

"K-Katie! What are you doing in my room?" I put one finger to his lips as I shush him. I smirk. 

"Sorry, but, well, I really had to wake you up. Because, you see, I decided that I must ride you 'til I  _break_ you." His face is bright red now. I take a step back suddenly. He looks up at me, a silent question in his eyes. "Y'see, Shiro says I gots to go, so, you're my last meal on death row." He narrows his eyes and opens his mouth to say something. I shake my head and lean forwards, capturing his mouth with mine. He makes a muffled noise of shock before kissing me back. I break away, catching my breath. He flops back down and I smirk, unbuttoning my shirt. My blazer's already on the floor, he must have taken it off just then. "C'mon you know the drill." I look down at him with a grin. I begin to check the points off with my fingers. "I'm hot, pissed  _and_ I'm on the pill." I wink and he flushes again, wriggling a bit underneath me. He pushes me so I'm on my back and he starts to trail kisses across my jaw and down my neck. He nibbles at my collar for a little bit before continuing his way down. He pauses at my breasts, nibbling and sucking the skin not covered by my bra (which is quite a lot, it's fairly provocative). As he continues to work his way down my body I hazily notice that some of them will leave marks on my skin. Lotor lifts his face from my stomach and grins wickedly at me. He shimmies down on the bed and pushed my legs up so that my knees are pointed upwards. I raise an eyebrow and open my mouth to question his actions when he pulls down my underwear, cool air hitting me and making me gasp. He smirks at me again before bringing his head down again. I feel myself flush even more. I moan and can feel him grin against me. I look at his hair, long, silky and silvery. I wonder how it would feel to- my musings get cut off as he does something else, something new. Whatever else I was going to say or think is replaced with an endless chant of  _more._ I can feel it in my gut and maybe he can too as he pulls back. Lifting his head up to look at my, grinning. His mouth is shiny and I groan. He grins. I suddenly pause, and he tilts his head at me, confused.

"Look, please know that this is because you're  _beautiful._ I know that you say you're numb inside," at this he looks away. I smile softly and lean forwards, tucking a stand of his hair behind his ear. "But I  _really_ can't agree. So, okay, the world's unfair be we can keep it locked out there. In  _here_ it's beautiful. So, come on, let's make this beautiful!" He smiles at me, his golden eyes gazing into mine. He shrugs. 

"That works for me-" Whatever else he's going to say gets cut off as I fall on top of him and kiss him. It's slightly tangy and I realise that I'm tasting myself. He twines his hands into my hair and pulls me closer. I break away, gasping. He's a mess, hair rumpled, chest heaving, lips swollen and I know I probably look the same. I sit on top of him and slowly pull down his boxers. He gasps. I lift up my hips then put them back down when I've moved his boxers out of the way. His eyes flutter closed and I smile again. 

"Full steam ahead - take this dead girl walking!" He suddenly looks up at me. 

"Hey - how did you find my address?" I wink at him. 

"C'mon, let's break the bed. You can rock this dead girl walking!" His eyes widen slightly as I rock. 

"I think you just tore my mattress!" I stop my motions and he groans. I tap him on the nose. 

"No sleep tonight for you so you'd better chug that Mountain Dew." He swallows and his voice, when it comes out, is slightly higher-pitched than normal. 

"Okay, okay!" He clears his throat. 

"Get your ass in gear and make this  _whole_ town disappear!" I fling my arms out, desperate. He nods, looking more confident. 

"Okay!" Somewhere in that I started moving again. He shuffles so he's sitting up, me still in his lap, and starts thrusting. I moan. He grins, face red and tangles his hands in my hair again. Pulling at some points but being quite gentle overall. I dig my nails into his back as I get closer, he doesn't seem to notice. He comes and that sets me off. As I climax I drag my nails down his back. I feel him wince. I lean back slightly and press my lips against his. I feel him smile softly against my mouth. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long and short of it is, I can't write smut. So here. Have this... thing.
> 
> (Also the cat was totally Kitty Rose, fight me)


	6. One Mistake Is All It Takes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Diary, 
> 
> Oh God. What have I done?

My eyes flutter open as I yawn. The room around me falls into focus and I freeze, this isn't my room. This isn't Matt's room either. Or the living room. I start to shuffle backwards then pause as I press into a warm body behind me. I smile as my brain clicks into place. I'm with Lotor. My face flushes as I remember what happened last night. I shuffle a little more and the hand laying on my side moves round and squeezes me lightly. I lean my head back so the top's pressing against his chest and smile lazily up at him. He grins down at me and pecks my forehead, his silvery hair brushing against my neck. My smile slips as a thought forces itself into my mind. Shiro. Lotor looks down at me, his brow furrowed. 

"...Katie?" I shake my head and regretfully start to disentangle myself from his arms. I shiver slightly. His window's still open as even though I kept my socks on and managed to put on my underwear again, I'm barely dressed. Out of the corner of my eye I see Lotor sitting up, tilting his head. 

"I've got to go see Shiro." I say, answering his unasked question. He pulls a face. 

" _Why_? Aren't you done with  _him?_ With all of them?" 

"Yeah, well, that was just a fantasy. A world without Voltron. A world where  _everyone_ is free. But now it's morning and I have to go kiss his arobacised ass." He firmly shakes his head.

"No. No you don't."

"Yes. I do. I'm not strong... not like you are." He smiles at me and shakes his head again. 

"No, you're not strong like me, you're strong like  _you."_ I smile back, my cheeks a little pinker than before. He sighs and climbs out of his bed. I tilt my head. 

"What are you..."

"I'm coming with you."

"Really?" I'm sorta incredulous. He hates all three of them, but from what I've seen, he seems to hate Shiro the most. 

"Yes." And I guess that's that. I pull on my shoes and watch as Lotor buttons his jacket up. He grins at me and pushes open the door. 

"Let's go." I smile up at him and duck under his arm to get out. Suddenly I pause, turn, and kiss him on the cheek before patting his shoulder. 

"Oh, yeah, by the way, you were my first." He lets out a snort of laughter and we leave. 

 

* * *

 

On the way there I fill Lotor in on exactly what happened last night. He lets out a puff of air when I'm done. 

" _Goddamn._ No wonder you looked so beat last night." I shake my head. 

"What a night. What a  _life_." He looks at me out of the corner of his eye, his fingers drumming on the steering wheel. "I almost moved into high school out of sixth grade because I was meant to be this 'genius'. But then everyone decided to chuck the idea because I'd have trouble making friends, blah-blah-blah." I sigh again, running my hand through my hair. "But now it seems that blah-blah-blah is all I do. I use my grand I.Q to figure out what lip gloss to wear and how to hit three keggers before midnight." I let out a slightly bitter laugh. "Some genius." He leans over and presses a kiss against my forehead. 

"Takashi Shirogane is one of those people who  _deserve_ to die." I pull a face. 

"...Why do you hate him so much?" Lotor sighs and falls silent for a few moments. He lets out a sigh and begins to speak. 

"Shortly after my mother died, my father... began dating this one woman. She moved in with us for a bit and we stayed in the same place for the first time in ages. The thing is, is she had a son from her last marriage. He... didn't like me and I didn't like him. It felt like my father was trying to... replace my mother. Eventually she got tired of my father's asshole tenancies and left, taking him with her. We started moving around again and that was that." I lift my head up and press a kiss against his neck. 

"You really didn't have to come with me..." He smiles down at me. 

"Of course I did."

 

* * *

 

We go round the back and I see Lotor raise an eyebrow. He steps up to the kitchen door and does something to the lock. He manages to get the door open and I give him a little round of applause, a smile on my face. He grins and does an extravagant bow. We step inside and he lets out a low whistle at the interior of the house. 

"They've really done well for themselves." I shake my head and make my way round the counter. 

"He's going to be super hungover. Do you know any hangover cures?" He moves round to join me, handing me a white, lidded mug out of one of the cupboards as he stands next to me. 

"Yep. Prairie oyster." I tilt my head. "It's... raw egg, vinegar, hot sauce, worcestershire sauce, salt and pepper." I raise an eyebrow at him. 

"You sure know your hangover cures." He pulls a face. 

"My dad taught me well." I give a non-committal hum to that. As I'm mixing it together I see Lotor getting something out of one of the lower cupboards. He hold it up to me, triumphantly. 

"I'm more of a no-rust build up man myself." I roll my eyes and let out a slightly uneasy laugh. 

"Don't be a dick, that stuff would kill him."

"Thus ending his hangover! I say we go with big blue." He pours it into a cup and holds it up to the light, admiring it. I shake my head, putting the lid onto my mug. 

"Yeah, well, he'd never drink  _anything_  that looked like that."

"Yeah, yeah, you're right." He goes to tip it down the drain then stops. He turns back. 

"We'll put it in a mug then. He won't know  _what_ he's drinking." He pulls down a white mug and pours the contents of the glass into it before putting the lid on it. I shake my head. 

"Look, just forget it." He pulls a face at me, lifting the mug close to my face. I push him away slightly. 

"Oh come on, chicken. Bawk bawk bawk." I step back from the counter and cross my arms. 

"No, you're not funny." His face softens and he sets the mug down. He steps closer to me. 

"Hey," his voice is soft. "It was just a joke. I'm sorry." He puts a hand under my chin and lifts my face to his. He kisses me, slowly, softly and I lean up, pressing my lips harder against his. He steps back slightly and I stumble forwards. I break away slightly and feel across the counter, grabbing the closest cup. The one closest to me was mine. I press one more kiss against his lips before turning and walking out the room. 

 

* * *

 

I watch as she leaves the room, a soft, lazy smile on my face. I turn to the leftover mug, preparing to pour the drain cleaner away but pause as I lift up the lid. It's the prairie oyster. Which means that the drain cleaner is... in the mug that Katie took. 

"Hey Katie." I call out. She's probably, at most, halfway up the stairs. 

"Yeah?" Her voice is soft. She doesn't deserve to be tormented by them. I make up my mind. 

"Ah, it's nothing. Hang on, I'll carry the mug."

 

* * *

 

We make our way to Shiro's room and I knock lightly on the door. A muffled sound makes it's way through the door, like someone talking into a pillow. I turn to Lotor, raising one of my eyebrows. He shrugs and pushes open the door. We step into the room. The curtains are closed, the only light coming from the gap between said curtains. We wait at the foot of the bed. 

"Shiro?" He lets out an annoyed groan and sits up. He raises his eyebrows at us. 

"Katie? And... Jesse James? Quelle suprise." His face hardens slightly as he looks at Lotor. 

"Look, Shiro, about last night, I think we both said things that we regret." He looks at me, his face a mask of indifference. 

"...Did we?" I swallow nervously. 

"Uh, yeah." He just looks at me coldly. "I, um, made you this as a peace offering. A prairie oyster." I hold out the mug. He looks at it then looks back at me. Slowly he gets out of his bed and stands. He grabs the mug out of my hands. 

"Yeah, whatever. This doesn't mean you're forgiven though." He takes off the lid and chugs the contents. Almost straight away he drops the mug. The crash as it hits the floor is deafening. I see a little bit of blue liquid on the floor. He gags and I see that his tongue too is blue. I take a step back and Lotor holds me from behind. Shiro's still gagging, trying to cough up what he drank. He staggers towards me and manages to rasp out two words. 

" _Corn nuts_!" He gags a little more and Lotor pulls me back. Shiro suddenly crumples and is still. Lotor's arms tighten around me a little. 

"Well, shit." My brain is still processing what just happened. I break away from his hold and turn to him. 

"Don't just stand there, call an ambulance!" He shakes his head. 

"Too late for that." I swallow, my throat feels clogged. 

"...Shiro? Shiro?" There's no reply.  _Of course_ there's no reply. "Oh my God. I just  _killed_ my  _best friend!"_ He puts a hand on my shoulder. 

"And your worst enemy." I glare at him. 

"Same difference!" I stagger backwards and sit heavily in the chair at Shiro's desk. Lotor runs a hand through his hair. 

"Okay, okay, we need to figure out what we're going to tell the cops." I freeze. 

"Oh  _shit._ The cops. Oh God, I'm going to have to send my SAT scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford." I rest my head in my hands. He lets out a short bark of a laugh. 

"Look, we're both a little freaked." He pauses. "But at least you got what you wanted y'know?" My head snaps up and I look at him in shock. 

"I did not want him  _dead!"_ He lifts up his hands in a gesture of surrender. 

"Okay, okay." I watch as he scans the room for a moment before he bends to pick something up. A copy of The Bell Jar? "Okay, so, we did a murder and that's a crime." I nod slightly. I feel close to tears. " _But,_ what if we made this, like, a suicide thing?" I look at him. 

"Like a suicide thing?" My voice comes out small and sad. He nods. 

"Right. After all adolescence is a period of life fraught with anxiety and confusion." I nod again, slightly firmer this time. " _And,_ you can do Shiro's handwriting as well as your own, right?" 

"I... yeah." I get a notebook and pen from his desk and get ready to write. Lotor comes to stand behind me. 

"Think long and hard, conjure him up in your mind. What would he say? What would be his final words to a cold, uncaring planet?" I begin to write, reading out what I write. 

"You might think that what I've done is shocking..." I tap the pen on my chin, trying to think of the right words. Lotor suddenly speaks up and I begin to write what he says. 

"To me though, suicide is the natural answer to the myriad of problems life has given me." I pause and crane my neck back to see him. 

"That's good but Shiro wouldn't use the word 'myriad', he missed it on the vocabulary test last week." Lotor steps around so he's in front of me. He shrugs. 

"That just proves my point further. The word is... a badge for his failures at school. Work with me."

"Okay." I stop to think then continue to write. "People think that just because you're handsome and popular, life is easy and fun. Nobody understood that I had feelings too." Is that enough? Lotor speaks up again. 

"I die knowing no one knew the real me." I read through it then look back up at him. 

"This is good, you done it before?" In the corner of my vision I see Shiro and my mood drops. Lotor seems to notice. He takes the notebook out of my hand, carefully tears the page out and puts it next to the broken remains of the mug. He puts it back on the desk, takes my hand and leads me out of the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I moved updates to twice a week, what other day would be best?


	7. More Than Just a Source of Handjobs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Diary, 
> 
> Takashi Shirogane is more popular than ever.

 

Principal Kolivan sits round the table with the other teachers as they debate what to do. 

 

"Any other Principal would take the same position." He was saying. "We've got to keep things buisness as usual." Mr. Thace shakes his head. 

"Takashi Shirogane's not your everyday suicide. He was extremely popular."

"Come on, if I let the kids out before lunch the switchboard'll light up like a Christmas tree." Mr. Antok is shaking his head.  

"The parents will be sympathetic. These are troubled times." Mr. Ulaz suddenly cuts in. 

"Off topic, but, I was impressed that he made proper use of the word 'myriad' in his suicide note." A couple of the other teachers nod. Mr. Smythe shakes his head. 

"If find it... profoundly disturbing that we are told of a tragic destruction of youth and all we're talking about is adequate mourning times and misused vocabulary words!" All the teachers sigh and a few mutter amongst themselves. "We must  _revel_  in this revealing moment! Now, I suggest we get everyone into the cafeteria and just talk and feel  _together_!" Principal Kolivan sighs. 

"Thank you Mr. Smythe. Do call me when the shuttle lands." A ripple of laughter goes through the room at that. Mr. Smythe shakes his head again but falls silent. "Now, is this the one that runs the yearbook?" Mr. Thace shakes his head. 

"No, that's Keith Kogane." Principal Kolvian frowns.

"Damn. I'd be willing to go half a day for him." They continue to debate for a few more minutes before reaching a conclusion and ending the meeting. 

 

* * *

 

We're sitting in study hall when the announcement crackles through the speaker system. 

" _All students to the cafeteria now._ " Most of the students look at each other and shrug. I swallow nervously, it's probably about Shiro. Oh God. What if they suspect something? 

 

We arrive at the cafeteria, I'm getting more and more anxious as each second passes. We walk inside and, in the far corner, I see Lotor. He looks bored and slightly... amused. I begin to work my way over there when silence suddenly falls. Principle Kolivan is standing on the stage. 

"Students of the Galaxy Garrison, you may be wondering why you've been called here. I regret to inform you that a fellow classmate, Takashi Shirogane, has committed suicide." The room explodes with frantic muttering. One girl screams and I hear someone start to sob. Principle Kolivan reads out the suicide note then announces that we can all go home. He leaves the room as everyone cheers. Mr. Smythe steps up to the microphone. 

"Hang on! They're refilling the buses so that gives us..." he checks his watch. "A solid half-hour of healing!" There's a collective groan. He starts waving sheets of paper around. I hear a few gasps but I can't hear what he's talking about. He walks through, handing out the paper. When he gets to me, he smiles. 

"Hello Pidge. How are you holding up? I know that you and Shiro were close." He's probably the only teacher that calls people by their nicknames. He also has this weird thing where he calls some students 'Paladins'. "If you need to talk, my office is always open!" I nod and he passes me a piece of paper. As he walks off, I look down at the paper. I feel sick once I realise that it's the note. I push through the crowd and make my way over to Lotor. He smiles down at me. 

"Are you okay?" Silently, I hand him the note. Mr. Smythe hasn't got over here yet. Lotor reads it then puts it in his pocket. He hugs me from behind and presses a kiss against my forehead. Everyone around us is reading their copy of the note that Mr. Smythe had given them. He's going round with the microphone, asking people what they think and how they feel. 

"I never knew about her pain..."

"Her life had hit a rocky patch!" 

"Deep down she wasn't cruel or vain!" 

"She didn't mean to be a snatch!" I snort slightly as Mr. Smythe praises all the answers given. At a few looks I quickly disguise it as a sob. Lotor let's go of me as Mr. Smythe approaches. 

"Pidge! You've been awfully quite, what's on your mind?" 

"I-" I turn to look at Lotor and he makes a little shooing gesture with his hands. "Um... maybe Shiro realised that in order to be happy, he had to give up his power. And, um, the only way to do that was... death?" Lotor gives me a hidden thumbs up. Mr. Smythe looks at me. 

"Look what we've done, we're breaking through! I know that Shiro would be  _so proud_ of you!" I flinch at that. Everyone is nodding. Mr. Smythe walks away and Lotor moves back over to me. He tugs at my arm.

"Come on." He whispers. "Let's get out of here." I nod and let him drag me along. 

 

* * *

 

We sit in the front of Lotor's car. He's smoking and I'm curled up in a ball. 

"What's wrong?" 

"I don't know... everything." I unfurl and turn to face him. He lights another cigarette and proffers it to me. I take it and mull over what I want to say. "All of this has painted Shiro like... like some sort of Saint." Lotor nods. 

"Yep. Suicide has made Takashi Shirogane more popular than ever." He puts an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into his side. He squeezes me then lets go. "Come on, let's go to mine."

 

* * *

 

I sit curled up on the couch, Lotor's arm around my shoulders. We're watching the news where currently Lance is on-screen, standing next to a tree and talking into a microphone. 

"I'm choosing to remember all the good times, like those trips to the mall and beach-" Lotor changes the channel and it switches to Lance sitting on a set of stairs with a different microphone. 

"I can still remember all those late-night talks on the phone-" Another channel and yet another image of Lance. 

"I remember when he won that toy for me at the fair and he said to me-" I laugh. 

"Ew! Mute him!" He obliges and we watch as he continues talking, this time without sound. Lotor switches again and we watch Lance talking into the camera on yet another news channel. I laugh again. "God Lance! How many channels did you run to?" Lotor switches it again and, for the first time, it's not Lance. It's Shay. Lotor quickly unmutes the TV. 

"It's so difficult to comprehend. But, for me, Shiro is still alive in my heart." I snort. 

"What are you talking about? You hated each other!" Lotor grins down at me and I raise an eyebrow. 

"Well hello son! I didn't hear you come in!" I open my mouth to ask him what he's talking about but he shushes me. I turn as someone walks into the room. Tall is my first thought. He smiles unpleasantly. 

"Yeah dad, I want to introduce you to my new girlfriend." I jump up, hand outstretched. 

"Oh, hi! I'm Katie." He slides a beer into my hand. 

"Drink up cutie." I look at Lotor and laugh uneasily. 

"...It's a bit early isn't it?" Lotor takes it put of my hand and gives it back to his father who shrugs and sits on the opposite side of the couch. 

"No underage drinking in the house." Lotor's father raises an eyebrow. 

"Oooh, so you're a good girl eh?" I can feel my cheeks going pink in embarrassment. I shrug and mine something unintelligible. Lotor glares at his father. 

"Actually, Katie was just leaving." He rolls his eyes. 

"Relax, just having some fun." He pats the place between him and Lotor. "Sit, sit." I perch on the edge of the seat and trade a glance with Lotor. His father pulls a face. 

"Work was a real pain in the ass today. Some damn tribe of withered old bitches is trying to stop us from blowing up this old fleabag motel, all because this slightly popular band stayed there once. It was just like Kansas. D'you remember fucking Kansas?" Lotor inclines his head. "The 'save the memorial oak society' people. Really showed them. Thirty bricks of C4 explosives stuck to the trunk." Zarkon laughs, Lotor does not. "Ah, hell of a time. Hell of a time." Zarkon looks at me oddly. "So dad, can I invite my girlfriend over for dinner?" Lotor shakes his head. 

"Nope." The tension I'm the room could be cut with a knife. I jump up. 

"Thanks for the offer but I've got to go home. Matt - my brother - will be wondering where I am." I nod my head towards Zarkon and start to leave. 

"Hang on." I turn to see Lotor standing up. "I'll show you out." We leave, Zarkon's gaze boring into our backs. 

 

We're standing in the doorway. Lotor leans down. 

"I'm sorry about him." He whispers before pressing a kiss against my lips. I hum and shrug. 

"It's okay." He shakes his head, pulling me closer. He kisses me again, not breaking away for a long while. He only stops when we hear a thump and a yell from upstairs. 

"Stop making out with your girlfriend and get up here!" Lotor rolls his eyes and presses a kiss against my head. 

"You want a ride back?" I shake my head. 

"Nah, I don't live that far away." I pause

"Besides, your father sounds angry." He pulls a face. 

"Yeah, okay. Stay safe and I'll see you later." I nod. He presses one more kiss against my lips before I leave. 

"Later."

 

* * *

 

I'm sitting on my bedroom floor, my French revision cards spread across the floor. Urgh. I wish I had taken German instead, from what I've seen it seems so much easier. There's a knock at my window and I jump. I get up to see Lotor perched on my windowsill. I open it and grin at him. He swings his way into my room. 

"Sorry for coming in through the window, it's dreadful etiquette, I know." I grin at him. 

"I don't mind." He grins back. 

 

We're curled up on my bed, our legs wound together. Lotor begins to run his hand through my hair and I press my face against his chest. 

"...It's the funeral tomorrow." I make a muffled noise of affirmation. He tugs lightly on my hair and I move back to look at him. "Are you going?" I snort.

"Everyone's going. It's probably, like, required by law or something." He laughs. 

"Yeah, probably." He yawns and stretches. "Unfortunately, I have to go now." I pull a face and start planting kisses on his neck. 

" _Really?"_ I whine. He laughs and nods. 

"Sorry kitty, maybe later?" I smile up at him. 

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter.
> 
> I've got a fair few chapters done. Musical-wise I'm just over 'act one'. But whatever.
> 
> Edit - I just finished watching season three of Voltron and I am _reeling_.


	8. A Change In Leadership

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Diary, 
> 
> I cut off Takashi Shirogane's head and Keith Kogane's sprouted back out like some mythical creature my 8th grade boyfriend would know about.

"I blame not Takashi but rather a society that tells its youth that the answers are on the MTV video games. We must pay that all other teenagers know the name of that 'righteous dude' who can solve their problems. It's Jesus Christ and he's in the book." He's clutching the lectern and I choose to focus on that instead of the body laying in the casket next to him. I saw it when I walked in and I felt like I was going to throw up. At least Lotor and I are sitting in the back pew. He talks a little more then leads us into a collective prayer. Afterwards, one-by-one, a few of us go up to pay our respects and pray separately. I'm last and I can feel my hands getting sweaty with nerves. I kneel down next to him and bow my head. 

' _Hey. Hi. I'm sorry. Technically I didn't kill Takashi Shirogane but hey, who am I trying to kid, right? I just... I just want my high school to be a nice place. Amen. Did that sound bitchy?_ '

 

Once outside I give Lotor a quick kiss before watching him ride away. As I walk down to the gate to meet Matt, I hear yelling. It's probably Rolo and Rax. Can't they take a break? I catch sight of Matt sitting in his car. I knock on the passenger side window and he grins at me. 

 

* * *

 

Later that night, after I've escaped Matt's fussing and clucking, I get a phone call. 

"Hello?" 

" _Katie! Hey, I need your help. Can you come to the cemetery?_ " 

"What's wrong?" 

" _Just hurry up please, it's an emergency_."

"Yeah, okay." He hangs up. Why would Lance be in the cemetery in the first place? Whatever, I'd better go. 

 

* * *

 

When I get there, Lance is nowhere to be seen. I look around but all I see is someone passed out on the floor. As I get closer I see it's... 

"Rolo?" His eyes flutter open and he smirks at me. He whistles and Rax staggers over from where he was sitting at the tree line. He winks at me as he gets closer. 

"Hey Katie..." I glare at him.

"Ew. You've got a left hand, use it." They look at each other then back at me, pouting. 

"Don't talk mean like that."

"Yeah!" Rax smirks at me I'm a way I  _think_ is supposed to be flirtatious

"When I get that feeling, I need sexual healing..." I roll my eyes and step back. 

"Yeah right, asshole." 

"Feel like making..." Rolo hiccups. "Feel like making love." He's sitting on the ground. When I take another step he suddenly lunges and grabs onto my ankle. I kick him away with little effort. Gross. 

"Don't fucking touch me, dick." I pull a face. "Look, where's Lance?" Rax, who's slightly more sober looks confused. Suddenly, his face clears up. 

"Oh yeah, him. He was here earlier."

"Earlier?" He nods. 

"The girls who we were meant to be going on a date with ditched us but he said that he'd find someone else." I swallow. He... set me up for date-rape.  _Really?_ I shake my head and make a disgusted noise. I give them one more scornful glance before leaving. Their drunken cries and catcalls follow me all the way through the cemetery. 

 

* * *

 

**_Dear Diary,_ **

 

**_Close call last night. Shiro was the only person who could control Rax and Rolo but now he's dead._ **

****

I turn as I see a flash of black out of the corner of my eye. Shiro is leaning against the locker next to me, reading over my shoulder. He shrugs. 

"You should have thought of that before you killed me." He says, voice quiet. He suddenly gags and doubles over, coughing. "Urgh. Thanks Katie. I'm going to be coughing up drain cleaner for eternity." I sigh. 

 

**_Technically I didn't kill Takashi Shirogane. I know that. But I still feel bad..._ **

****

Shiro gags again, making me look back up. He sees me looking and pulls a face. 

 

**_...but not as bad as I should. That makes me feel even worse._ **

 

I see a flash of blue and red. I turn to see Lance and Keith going through Shiro's locker. I straighten my back and walk over there. I know that Shiro's following. 

"Oh hey Lance! I am really looking forward to that apology from you." Keith shakes his head. 

"We're cleaning out Shiro's locker. A little respect." Shiro snorts. 

"He wants to lead but he'll be terrible. This school'll go to shit with him at the head of it." He keeps going on and on until I snap. 

"Just shut up!" Keith turns to me. 

"No, you shut up! I don't have to shut up anymore." He pulls out Shiro's badge, the one with the black lion and holds it up to the light, admiring it. 

"...That's Shiro's badge." Lance's voice is small. Keith glares at him and pins it on himself. 

"Shut up Lance."

"Sorry Keith..." Keith looks at us both. 

"Voltron needs a leader. This whole  _school_ needs a leader. Shiro was that leader but now it's up to me to take his place." Shiro rolls his eyes and I share a quick, nervous glance with Lance. He shakes his head then smirks. 

"Shouldn't you be worrying more about your reputation?" I tilt my head to the side. 

"What do you mean?" Out of the corner of my eye, I see Lotor step over to us. Keith raises an eyebrow. 

"Rax and Rolo are going around and telling the whole school about your little threeway last night." I'm stunned into silence. Lotor steps over to us, his face a stony mask. 

"Threeway?" I shake my head quickly and step towards him. 

"No, no, no. There was no threeway.  _Nothing_ happened." Lance's smirk grows. 

"Really? Y'see I seem to recall them saying that there was a... big sword fight in your mouth." A preppy kid walking past us pauses. 

"She  _allowed_  that?" Lance smirks and gestures for Rolo and Rax to come over to us. They oblige. When they see me they smirk. I see Lotor stepping away, going slightly down the hall. They start listing things that we 'did' last night. A crowd of students surround us. I've finally had enough and I push through the crowds, over to Lotor. I looks at me, his arms crossed. Everyone is still talking about it. I look up at him, my eyes filled with tears. 

"...Lotor. I  _swear_ I didn't do  _any_ of that. Lance told me to go to the cemetery and they were just... waiting there." He scowls in the general direction of Lance before holding open his arms. I fall forwards and let his arms envelope me. He holds me tight as I slowly turn in his arms, facing the crowd. He rests his chin on my head and watches them with narrowed eyes. I see Rolo miming a blowjob and wince, my cheeks flushing. Lotor lets go of me and I look up at him, surprised. 

"...Lotor?" He glares and storms over there. He gets to Rolo and swings his fist straight at him. Rax tackles him, knocking him onto the floor. They take it in turns to kick him in the side, everyone jeering. I run forwards and push them away. 

"Stop it! Stop it!" They glare but, one-by-one, the students disperse, not wanting to get a teacher's attention. They glare at us as they pass, Lotor lying on the ground and me kneeling next to him. 

" _Freak!"_

" _Slut!"_

" _Punkass!"_

" _Slag!"_

" _Psycho!"_

" _Whore!"_ Each insult is accompanied by a kick in my side. The bell goes and they all leave properly, going to their classrooms. Lotor groans and sits up on his elbows. 

"Are you okay?" He nods slightly. 

"Yeah. What about you?" I give him a shaky smile. 

"I'm fine. Amazing. Fantastic." Then I burst into tears. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty shit but I couldn't be bothered to rewrite it. So here.


	9. Let's Go Hunt Some Jocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Diary, 
> 
> ...Our love is God.

" _Shit._ Sorry about the waterworks." Lotor lets out a huff of air and gently grips my face, turning me towards him. He wipes away my tears with the pad of his thumb. I look up at him curiously. When he speaks, his voice is soft. 

"They made you cry." My cheeks go pink and I look away, embarrassed. He shakes his head. "But that will end tonight. You are the only thing that's right about this broken world." My eyes widen and I turn back to look at him. He smiles softly at me. "Go on and cry but, when the morning comes, we'll burn the world down then build it back up." Suddenly he stands up, facing away from me. I look up at him. 

"Are you okay?" A quick shake of his head. 

"I was alone. I was... a frozen lake. But you... you melted me back awake." He turns and his eyes are shimmering. He lets out a wet sounding laugh. "See? Now I'm crying too." Lotor reaches out a hand. "You're not alone." I take it and stand, smiling softly at him. 

"You're not alone." His eyes widen a fraction then his face softens into a smile. 

"And, when the morning comes..."

"When the morning comes." He pulls me closer. 

"We'll burn away those tears and raise our city here." Lotor gestures around us with his free hand. I shake my head with a smile and grab onto his other hand. 

"We'll raise out city here." He smiles down at me. He presses a soft kiss against my lips. 

"Our love is God." I let out a soft gasp then smile. 

"Our love is God." He grins at me and kisses me again. 

 

* * *

 

"Hi, Rolo? Yeah, it's Katie. Katie Holt. Yeah, I didn't expect to be calling you either. I guess my emotions took over. I was wondering if you want all those things that you've been saying to really happen. It's  _always_ been a fantasy of mine to have two guys at once..." Lotor snorts and I shake my head, throwing a pillow at him. He catches it and throws it back. I grin. Rolo finishes blabbering on and I lower the tone of my voice. "Yeah. Meet me in the cemetery. At dawn. Don't forget Rax." I quickly hang up and smirk at Lotor. He grins back at me, a strange glint in his eyes. Lotor pulls out two guns and holds one out to me. I pull a face. 

"I still don't get the point of me writing a suicide note if we're just shooting them with blanks." Lotor looks up at me. 

"Well, that's because we're not shooting them with blanks." I drop the gun and stand up. 

"Look, my Bonnie and Clyde days are  _over_." Lotor shakes his head and pulls me back onto the bed. 

"You took French right, not German?" I slowly nod. He flicks open the chamber of his gun and pulls out a bullet. "These are 'ich Lüge' bullets. My grandfather scored them in World War Two. They're almost identical to tranquillisers only they can break the skin, enough to draw a little blood, but they're not strong enough to do any lasting damage." I pause. 

"So the person looks like they've been shot and killed but they're actually just lying there, unconscious and bleeding?" Lotor nods then stands, pacing around the room. 

"We shoot Rolo and Rax. Make it look like they shot each other. By the time they regain consciousness, they'll be the laughing stocks of the school. The note's the punchline. How did that turn out?" I grab the note and a page ripped from one of Rax's workbooks. I hold both of them up to Lotor. 

"First, tell me that the similarity is not incredible." He smiles at me and when he answers, his voice is warm. 

"Incredible similarity." I grin then pull them back, reading out the note. 

"Rolo and I died the day we realised we could never reveal our forbidden love to an uncaring and ununderstanding world. The joy we shared in each other's arms was greater than any touchdown. Yet we were forced to live the lie of sexist, beer-guzzling, jock assholes." He smiles at me. 

"Exquisite, but I don't think 'ununderstanding' is a word." I shrug. 

"We don't want people thinking that they were  _too_ secretly eloquent." I pause and bite at the pad of my thumb before speaking up. "...Why would the Germans invent a bullet that doesn't kill people? I mean, this  _was_ World War Two, not a school play." The speed of his pacing increases as he speaks.

"They used them on themselves to make it look like they were dead. Really quite a brilliant device, but too flamboyant to seriously produce." I grin. 

"Neat. Let's try it out on Bae Bae." I pick up the gun that was still lying on my duvet and point it at the dog that had just ambled it's way into my room. Lotor suddenly rips the gun out of my hands. 

"It... it doesn't work on small animals. The dosage is too high."

"Oh." Lotor suddenly grabs the bag that he had dumped by my bed earlier. 

"Hey, let's look at the homosexual artifacts I dug up to plant at the scene." He tips the bag over and the contents pour out onto my duvet. He sits back down and begins sifting through the items. "An issue of Stud Puppy, a candy dish, a Joan Crawford postcard and some mascara." He pauses then reaches into the pockets of his coat. He pulls out two bottles of... 

"Mineral water?" He nods and I grin. "Oh come  _on._ A lot of people drink mineral water nowadays, it's come a long way." Lotor shrugs. 

"Yeah, well, this is  _Ohio._ I mean, if you're not holding a brewsky, you're basically wearing a dress." I roll my eyes then lower my voice. 

"Oh, you're so smart. How about a little heterosexuality before we go?" He laughs and pulls me against him. 

"I suppose I could manage that..."

 

* * *

 

A tense Rax and an excited Rolo, playing air guitar, walk through the misty parking lot towards the woods. 

"Sex and drugs and HBO is all I ever need! Whoa! Can you hear me? Hello Tokyo. I said sex and drugs and-" 

"Shut the fuck up, all right." Rax snaps, cutting Rolo off. Rolo shakes his head. 

"Lighten up dude. In  _those woods_ is some of the finest pussy in the school and we don't even have to buy it a burger and coke. What a way to start the day! Punch it in!" Rax feebly bumps fists with Rolo. 

 

* * *

 

I stand in the clearing, twisting my hands in front of me and rocking backwards and forwards on my heels. I hear the crunching of leaves and I watch as Rolo bounds into the clearing, Rax trailing behind him. Rolo winks at me. 

"Hey Katie." I force a smile. 

"Hey guys. Glad you could make it." Rolo smacks his hands together. 

"So, do we just start fucking?" I mentally gag. 

"Well, I've made a circle on each end of the clearing. Rax, you stay there. Rolo, you go over there." I point and Rolo walks over, shrugging at Rax as he does. 

"Now what?" I smile. 

"Strip for me." They pause, then slowly start taking off their clothes. Rolo pauses again. 

"What about you." I swallow then force my lips back into a smile. 

"I was hoping you'd rip my clothes off me, sport." Rolo grins over at Rax who smiles awkwardly back. 

"Yeah, okay. Good idea." They both stand in their underwear, shivering slightly. 

"Count of three, guys." Rolo nods, grinning. "One." Rax finally cracks a smile. I slowly reach behind me. "Two." Lotor suddenly moves next to me, pointing a gun at Rolo. I pull out mine, pointing it at Rax. 

"Three." Lotor shoots Rolo in the forehead and I shoot at Rax. He manages to step out of the way and he runs off. Lotor turns to me. "You stay here, I'll bring him back round." He runs off, chasing after Rax. I hear Rax yelling. 

"Why are you chasing me?" I turn and kneel by Rolo. I shake him by the shoulders. 

"Rolo? Rolo! You're just unconscious, right?" 

"Why are you chasing me? I was just kidding about the Bo Diddley thing!" I sit back on my heels, feeling nauseous. Rolo doesn't look bleeding and unconscious. He looks bleeding and dead, dead, dead. I hear a noise and I watch as Rax comes barrelling into the clearing. Lotor, weaving through the trees, howls at me. 

" _Now!"_ In a burst of frightened, animal instinct, I whip around and fire my gun right into Rax's chest. He falls down, dead. There's no point trying to pretend anymore. They're both dead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh, I don't know.


	10. The Fishing Trip of '83

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Diary, 
> 
> I've been to too many funerals this year.

**_Dear Diary,_ **

****

**_I'm going steady and, mostly, he's awesome. Just a bit too rock and roll. So far, he's bumped off three of my classmates. God, please have mercy on my soul. They were only seventeen, they still had room to grow. And, they could have turned out good but I guess now we'll never know._ **

****

* * *

 

I'm curled up in the front seat of Lotor's car. He left to see if the coast is clear. I jump as the door opens and relax only slightly when I see it's Lotor. He sits next to me and digs into the inside pocket of his coat. He pulls out two cigarettes and a lighter. I take the proffered items and flick open the lighter. I stare at the flame for a moment before closing my hand over it. I almost immediately cry out in shock. Lotor grabs my hand. There's a red mark on my palm. He grabs one of the cigarettes and lights it on my hand. I let out a wail. 

"Ich Lüge bullets! I'm  _such_ an  _idiot_!" Lotor drags on his cigarette as the school buses start to pull in. I glare sullenly at him and light mine, taking a drag. Finally he sighs. 

"Look, you believed it because you  _wanted_ to believe it. Your true feelings were too... gross and icky for you to face." I glare at him. 

"I did not want them  _dead!"_ He raises an eyebrow at me. 

"Did too."

"Did not!" 

"Did too."

"Did not." He sighs and puts a hand over my mouth. 

"Look, did they make you cry?" I narrow my eyes. "Did they?" I nod. "And can they make you cry now?" I slowly shake my head. He takes his hand away, a self-satisfied look on his face. I glare. 

"No, but you can." He shakes his head, amused. 

"Just  _wait_  until you see the good that comes of this." I shake my head. 

"No good could possibly come from this." He smiles and presses a quick kiss against my forehead. 

"Call me an optimist."

 

* * *

 

Mr. Balmera stands over an open coffin that holds the body of Rax Balmera. 

"If there's any way you can hear me, Rax, buddy, I don't care that you really were some pansy. You're my flesh-and-blood. You made me proud. I love my homosexual son. My son's gay and I love him!" There's a smattering of applause at that. I lean closer to Lotor and whisper to him. 

"Your son's dead and you love him." He snorts. 

"How do you think he would react to a son with a limp wrist and a pulse?" I softly giggle at that. I look up to see Shay Balmera looking at me, wearing a familiar looking knitted jumper and her face covered in tears. I feel the smile slip from my face, replaced by a nauseated grimace and guilt gnawing at my gut. 

 

* * *

 

We're curled up on my bed, a bottle of Vodka between us. Lotor suddenly sniffs the air, making me raise an eyebrow at him. 

"What is that? That smell in the air- is that tolerance? Inclusion, love, how often can you say it's a good day to live in Sherwood, Ohio! You're welcome town!" I glare at him and swat at his arm. 

"Hey... you don't have to be so smug about it." He smiles down at me. 

"Your love keeps me humble." He leans down to kiss me but I pull away. He shrugs and pulls me closer. "So, who's next? Lance? Keith? They added fire to those three-way rumors." I push him. 

"No! No, I do not accept this, we've already killed three people, this ends right now!" 

"Or what?" 

"Or... I'll break up with you." He furrows his brow. 

"Look, every war has casualties. That doesn't mean that it's not worth fighting. What, you'd rather go to jail? And give a free pass to the thugs who hurt people? Evil fucks that make life so unbearable that you can't stand to live in the world anymore!" I put a hand on his arm. 

"Lotor... how did your mother die?" He looks down at my hand. 

"Do you really wanna know?" I nod and he sighs, standing up. "My dad said it was an accident. But... she knew what she was doing. She walked into that building two minutes before my dad blew it up. She waved at me out of the window and then... ka-boom. She was gone." I let out a breath of air. 

"I'm... really sorry." He smiles sadly at me.

"It's okay. The pain gives me clarity. You and I are  _special_ , we have a lot of work to do." I stand and step closer to him. 

"What  _work_?" There's a slightly crazed look in his eyes as he answers. ''We're making the world a decent place for people who  _are_  decent!"

"But when does it end!?" He spins around and grips my shoulders, his knuckles turning white. 

"When every asshole is  _dead_!" He spits. I tense and his face softens. He lets go of me and steps back. 

" _Fine_. Okay. We're damaged.  _Really_  damaged but that doesn't make us wise. We're not  _special_. We're not  _different_. We can't choose who lives and who dies!" He scoffs at that and turns around, his back to me. " _Please_ , let's just be normal! See bad movies. Sneak a beer and watch TV! We could bake brownies, or go bowling! Don't you want a life with me?" He tenses. I step forward and place my hand on his shoulder. "Can't we just be seventeen? That's all I want to be. If you could just let me in. I could be good with you." His shoulders drop slightly. "I know that people hurt us-" 

"Or they vanish." His voice is small. I smile sadly at his back.

"Yeah, and you're right, it really blows. But just remember that we let go." He turns and smiles, softly. 

"Take a deep breath." 

"We'll go and buy some summer clothes. We can go camping."

"Play some poker?" 

"Yeah, and eat some chilli fries. Maybe prom night?" 

"Maybe dancing?" 

"Just  _please_  don't stop looking in my eyes." I beg him. 

"Your eyes..." He's still smiling at me. He pulls me into an embrace before pulling back slightly and spinning me.

"Can't we be seventeen? Is that  _really_  so hard to do? If you could just let me in, I could be good with you! Just let us be seventeen, if we can still have that right." We've stopped, holding each other like a drowning man clutching a life preserver. 

"So what's it gonna be? I wanna be with you tonight!" 

"I want to be with you tonight!" 

"Yeah, we're damaged..." He cups my face in one of his hands, lifting up my face so we're eye-to-eye. 

"...badly damaged." His voice is soft, sweet. 

" _But your love's too good to loose_."

"Please hold me tighter." I whisper it so quietly but he still hears and obliges. 

"Even closer..."

"I promise I'll stay if I'm what you choose." I say softly, I doubt he hears. 

"Can't we just be seventeen?" 

"If _I_ am what you choose..." I step out of his embrace, staring just above his shoulder. I can see his face, confused, out of the corner of my eye. He reaches out his hand and softly grasps my elbow. 

"If we can still have the right!" 

"'cause you're the one I choose..." I whisper, closing my eyes. I can hear the soft exhale from his lips. I've surprised him. 

" _You're_  the one I choose!" He kisses my forehead and I open my eyes. He's staring down at me as if I'm the only thing in the world. He once again closes the gap between us, he's so close, I can feel every breath he takes. He leans in even more.

" _You're the one I choose_..." We both whisper the last sentence, our faces almost touching, his nose brushing against mine. He pulls me in, closing the last few millimetres between us. He presses his lips against mine and bends me backwards. Sweeping me off my feet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know. This is kinda bad. 
> 
> Also, the last bit (the 'Seventeen' bit was actually the first thing I ever wrote for this fic.)


	11. And So the Truth is Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Diary,
> 
> Why? Why? Why? Why?
> 
> Why did it have to be _her_?

"And they all lived happily ever after!" I pull my head out of my locker and turn. 

"Hello Shiro. I was wondering when you'd be back." He continues as if he hadn't heard me. 

 

"You think it  _all_ goes back to normal? Don't give me that wounded look, you know exactly what he is and you  _love it_." I glare at him. 

"Stop talking." He shrugs at me. 

"Only a  _true_  dead best friend would give it to you straight." 

"Question, why couldn't you have said this last night?" He pulls a face. 

" _Please._ Like I want to be around for  _that."_ I roll my eyes and slam my locker shut. I see a flash of yellow and I turn to see Hunk walking over to me. He looks like he's been crying.

"Pidge... what are you doing here?" 

"I'm... going to class." 

"H- haven't you heard? School's been cancelled because of Allura and Shay." I drop my books. 

"...What do you mean, 'Allura and Shay'?!" Hunk pauses, then explains, voice soft. 

"You... haven't heard? They killed themselves in a joint suicide last night, copying Rolo and Rax." 

"I... don't understand." I feel like I should be crying. Why am I not crying? Hunk's still talking. 

"-also in a 'repressed homosexual relationship'. But it doesn't make sense-" 

"Hunk. How... how do you know this?" 

"Oh, last night... last night Allura left a voicemail on my phone. I thought she would have called you too." I swallow noisily. 

"I was kinda... preoccupied last night so I wouldn't have heard my phone ring." Hunk shrugs. 

"Well, you should check. Just in case." He looks like he's about to cry. I just feel... empty I suppose. Hunk sniffles and dissappears down the corridor. I sink to the floor and bury my head in my hands. I hear a snort and I lift my head. 

" _What?"_ Shiro shrugs. 

"Nothing, just... doesn't it seem suspicious.  _Another_ two suicides." I shake my head. 

" _No."_ Shiro raises an eyebrow and I glare. "Lotor promised. Besides, he wouldn't use a double suicide twice in a row, especially not for the same reason. Plus, Allura left a voicemail." He shrugs again. 

"Whatever. Just pointing it out."

* * *

  _ **You have one new message.**_

 

_**[22:49]**...Hey Pidge. Katie. It's... it's Allura. I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being here and I'm sorry for... for what I'm about to do. I- you- you and Hunk are my best friends and I am so, so sorry. I- I love you so much and... and I'm sorry. I- goodbye Pidge. _

"Ah." I stare at him, silent. He raises an eyebrow. "What?  _Oh._ I see. You think  _I_ did this?" I wince. 

"I- I just... I don't know. I just wanted to be sure." He lets out a bitter laugh. 

"Where did you get this idea? After all, I was with you  _all night_." I flush red. 

"I'm... really sorry." He shrugs and lets out a dry laugh.  

"Don't worry about it." He stands and walks over to the open window. Before he climbs out, he turns back to me. "I wouldn't believe me either."

* * *

"...Hey Pidge." I turn and face Hunk. 

"Hi Hunk. What's up?" He swallows noisily. 

"I... I need your help with something."

"Yeah? What's the problem?" 

 

"I think... I think that Allura and Shay were murdered." I open my mouth to speak but Hunk holds up a hand to silence me. "Not just them, Rax and Rolo too."

"What do you mean? They found a suicide note. Allura left a voicemail! _"_ Hunk fidgets. 

"Well... it could have been faked. You forge stuff all the time. And... Allura could have been forced!" 

"I guess..." Shiro's standing next to the water fountain, behind Hunk, looking amused. "But still, that's... ridiculous. Who'd wanna kill Rax and Rolo?" Hunk sighs and pulls at the bottom of his shirt.

"Well... I think it was your friend, Lotor. You saw how he went after them at lunch." That brings a snort from a figure next to me. I glance to the side to see Rax leaning against his old locker, blood dripping down his temple.

"Yeah, that  _sucked_." Hunk shifts again and I turn my attention back to him. 

"There's something... off about Lotor." Rax whistles. 

"Looks like Pidge is going to lady prison." Rolo, standing next to Rax with blood dropping out of the gunshot wound on his chest, grins at me and then at Rax. 

"Girl on girl." I roll my eyes. Hunk takes a small step forwards. 

"I wanna look in Lotor's locker. I thought that maybe you could get me the combination?" Shiro snorts. 

"I bet there's all kinds of interesting things in that locker. Maybesome 'Ich Lüge bullets'?" I run a hand through my hair. 

"This is a... pretty wild theory, Hunk. He shrugs. 

"I don't care. Shay wasn't gay, I'd stake my life on it!" I go to speak but he shakes his head. "Neither was Rax!" Rolo snorts and starts making faces at Rax. He mutters something in his ear and Rax begins chasing after him and shouting. 

"Stop it!" Hunk jumps. 

"Stop what? Pidge, what's wrong with you?" Rax and Rolo smirk at me then vanish. 

"I- Sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just trying to understand. Shay was gay, why would you think anything else?" 

"She kissed me, remember?" 

"Yeah. Back in  _kindergarten."_ He shrugs. 

"My heart knows the truth." Shiro smirks. 

"Time to choose, Katie. Eat or be eaten."

"Why would Shay write that note if she was dating Allura? If she didn't still feel something?" 

"You know what to say."

"Why would she say those things? I'm going to confront Lotor."

" _No._ Please don't!" 

"Do you have the  _guts_?" I swallow then start to laugh. Hard. 

"Pidge...?"

"Oh you floor me Hunk, you really do." Hunk tilts his head. 

"What do you mean?" 

" _Shay_ didn't write that love note, I did." Hunk chuckles. 

"No, no." I grin. 

"In fact _,_ I wrote both notes!  _Shiro_ put me up to it. The  _whole school_ was in on the joke, and no one laughed harder than Rax and Shay. She didn't love you and he was a dick. Now they're both dead. Move on." Hunk's lips wobble. He opens his mouth, then closes it and runs down the hall and out of sight. I lean backwards, back pressed against my locker. 

"Shit." Shiro smirks at me. "Look, no, I  _had_ to hurt him. If Lotor caught him going through his stuff, he would-" Shiro laughs. 

" _Kill_  him? Is  _that_ what you're afraid of? I though the desperado hung up his six guns! Don't you  _trust_ him?"

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

I stand, biting the pad of my thumb. A hand claps onto my shoulder and I jump. It's Mr. Smythe. 

 

 

"Ah Pidge! There you are, I need you in place for the assembly!" 

"Oh, right, this thing, right." He grins down at me. 

"Pedal to the metal, come on now." Lance and Keith are standing near the door, Lance babbling excitedly. 

"Y'know, I'm kinda looking forward to this." Keith glares at him. 

"Shut. Up." Lance flushes and looks away. 

"...Sorry Keith." 

"Hello students of the Galaxy Garrison! Welcome to our special assembly. I want you to ignore the television cameras and the news crews, they're just here to document this significant moment." A hand touches my shoulder and I jump. That earns me a low laugh and I relax. Lotor. "Whether to kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions we teenager can make." I scoff at that and Lotor snorts. "So, you know what I'm going to do now?" There's muttering among the crowd before a feminine voice pipes up. 

"Kill yourself on stage?" A ripple of laughter makes it's way through the crowd. Mr. Smythe rolls his eyes. 

"Not productive, Nyma.  _Now_ , my senior thesis was on the subject of pediatric psychotherapeutic musicology. It was  _terrifically_  well regarded, so I speak with some authority when I tell you that the way to eliminate suicide is by first eliminating fear. By creating a safe zone in which we all are equal." He steps off the stage and passes around torches. "Deep inside everyone is a hot ball of shame, guilt, regret, anxiety and other things we don't name. But, if we  _show_ the ugly parts that we hide, they turn out to be beautiful!" He turns the lights off. There's a few screams before Mr. Smythe and a few others turn their torches on. It's still too dark to make out anything distinct but it seems that when the lights went out, I got shunted through the crowd. "So just shine a light on all of your deepest fears! If you let in sunlight, your pain will disappear! All of you scars and flaws will look lovely if you shine a light!" I wince as a girl near me gets a torch shone right at her. Mr. Smythe shoves the microphone in her face. 

"...Everyday's a battlefield when your pride is on the line." A boy behind her leans forwards, closer to the microphone. 

"I attack your weakness and pray that you don't see mine." I let out a yelp as a hand grabs my wrist and begins to drag me through the crowd. 

 

I wince. After being in that dark hall, the corridor lights are almost too bright. I grin up at Lotor. 

"Thanks for getting me out of there." He smiles. 

"No problem. I thought I was going to throw up." I laugh and stand up on my toes. He raises and eyebrow and I lean forwards and press my lips to his. I feel him smirk as he pushes me backwards, into the wall. His hand makes it's way to the buttons on my shirt and I push at his chest. He moves back and smirks. I roll my eyes. His hair's pretty mussed and his mouth is red. If he looks like that, I probably look like even more of a mess. 

"First thing, we're in a hallway  _at school._ Number two, the  _entire_ school is in there." He grins. 

"Which means that they're  _not_ out here." 

"What happens when they come out? Or if someone needs air, or a drink, or a smoke?" He snorts. 

"I wonder what he's preaching about now?" I pull a face. 

"I don't know. This stuff makes me feel ill." He runs a hand through my hair. 

"...Yeah. We can leave? Continue this," he waves his hand between us. "In my car?" I roll my eyes. 

"Really?" He smirks. 

"Yes, really. Come on." He grabs my hand and takes a few steps down the hall. I shake my head. 

"I feel like... if we leave something bad will happen."

"What do you mean?" I shrug. 

"I don't know. Just... just a feeling." He grins. 

"Well, you're right about almost everything. I'll struggle through this ridiculous assembly for you and your feeling." I smile softly up at him and press a soft kiss to his lips. 

"Thank you." He smiles back. 

"Don't mention it." He pulls open the door. 

"-wants to share what's in their heart?" Lotor raises an eyebrow at me and I roll my eyes. 

"Come on."

"No volunteers? Okay, I'll start! My name is Coran, I live alone, my old love is dead, as is their daughter. Back in the 60's, love was free! That... didn't work out that well for me. The revolution came and went. I  _tried_ to change the world but I barely even made a dent. I myself have struggled with despair. I've joined cults. I chant, I pray, but God isn't there. Which is why... I'm ending my affair." Lotor leans down, his hair brushing my shoulder. 

"An affair?" I snort. Mr. Smythe goes and turns the lights back. 

"Okay kids, come on out, I want you to work with me, I want you to share your pain. I want you to drag it into the light where we all can take a look at it!" Everyone mutters amongst themselves. No one really wants to do that and I don't blame them. A soft voice speaks up. 

"I've thought about killing myself." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update is later than the others, I only wrote it today. In regards to the Allura/Shay thing, I don't know. I had the idea ages ago. It's kinda bad but whatever.


	12. The Calm Before the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Diary,
> 
> Confessions don't always make you feel better.

" _Lance._ What are you  _doing?_ Get back here!" Keith is standing behind Lance, arms crossed and looking pissed. Mr. Smythe steps forwards.

"Now now. Lance, you're in a safe environment. Feel free to share!" Lance takes a deep breath and Keith takes a half-step forwards.

"Lance, get back in line." Mr. Smythe glares at him.

"Quiet, Keith." He turns and smiles encouragingly at Lance who swallows then begins to speak.

"My best friend seemed to have it all together but now he's gone. And now my stomach hurts worse and worse, and every morning I'm on the bus I feel my heart beating louder and faster and I'm like 'Jesus, I'm on the freaking bus again because all my rides to school are dead'." He pauses, then his words start tumbling out, faster and faster. "I'm failing math. My  _whole life_ is a mess. And it's... it's like I'm in this tiny lifeboat in a storm. And it full of people who are fighting to stay on. And... it's like if I say the wrong thing or- or wear the wrong  _outfit,_ I'll get thrown over the side. And I'm sitting, hugging my knees, and the captain is pointing." He glances at Keith as he says this. "But who made  _him_ captain? But, still, the weakest must go I guess. So... I guess I have to jump off." Silence. Lance stares at the ground cheeks red. Keith steps up to Lance and glares. 

"What's your  _damage_ , Lance? Are you saying the Garrison  _isn't_  a nice place?" Mr. Smythe takes a step forwards. 

"Keith-" 

"Where's your school spirit? You don't  _deserve_ to wear our school colours." People start to close in on Lance and Mr. Smythe tries to push Keith away. 

"Don't be mean spirited-" 

"Why don't you hop into your little lifeboat and catch a gnarly wave over to Remington?" 

"Knock it off, let's settle down. Settle  _down."_ Nyma laughs. 

"Awww, Lance is going to  _cry_." There's laughter and Lance turns, running out of the room. Mr. Smythe turns on Keith. 

"Young man, you are suspended! Turn the cameras off." He turns and waves his hands at the cameras. "Turn them off, god damn it." I glare. 

"Is that  _all_  you care about? Tv cameras?" Lotor places a warning hand on my shoulder. I shake him off. Mr. Smythe glares back. 

"I  _care_  about saving lives! Keith Kogane ruined a valuable teaching!" I snort. 

" _Valuable_?" I make a sweeping gesture. " _None of us_  want this spectacle, to be experimented on like guinea pigs and- and patronized like bunny rabbits!" I see Shiro standing near Keith. Mr. Smythe gasps. 

"I don't patronize bunny rabbits!" Shiro sighs.

" _This_  is their big secret Pidge, the adults are  _powerless_." I take another, small step, my voice getting louder. 

"Lance  _trusted_  you. You said that you would protect him." 

"They can't help us.  _Nobody_  can help us." Another step. 

"You're useless." 

"We're alone in the ocean." A step. 

"And  _all of you_  are idiots." Lotor, just behind me, lowers his voice. 

"You should sit down now." I bat his words away like flies. I sigh. 

"No, Shiro was a monster, just like Rolo and Rax, and they didn't kill themselves, I killed them!" I let out a small gasp. I step back. Shiro raises an eyebrow at me. I shrug and lower my voice. "So what do you all think of that?" They laugh. All the students minus myself and Lotor laugh. My face flushes slightly. 

"Some people will say  _anything_  if they think it'll make them popular." Someone yells from the crowd. I turn and run, following the same path as Lance. 

" _Katie!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short. I might do a double upload?


	13. Whine Like There's No Santa Clause

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Diary,
> 
> It's God versus my boyfriend and God's losing....

With a mouth full of pills, I try to turn on the tap to swallow them. I make a noise of annoyance when no water comes out. "Give me a break."

 

* * *

 

I race through the halls and fling myself into the boys bathroom. Lance is standing there, a mouth full of pills. I grab him and hit him in the back of the head. His mouth opens in surprise and the pills fall out. He falls to the ground and glares up at me. I kneel beside him. 

"What are you trying to do? Kill me?" I glare at him. 

"What were you trying to do? Sleep?" He tosses his head. 

"Suicide is a private thing." I lunge toward him and he recoils with a wail. I sigh. 

"You're giving your life away to become a goddamn statistic in US Fucking A Today. That's got to be the least private thing I can think of." He sniffles. 

"But what about Shiro and Rax and Rolo and Allura and Shay?" I pause. 

"If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you." He shrugs and lets out a laugh that sounds more like a sob.

"Probably." I place a hand on his shoulder and smile softly. 

"Hey now, if you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game show host." He grins. 

"Let's knock off early. Buy shoes. Something lame like that." 

"Sure." He leans over and hugs me. 

 

* * *

 

"You are a genius. You had me worried with your little confession there, but you pulled it off. Best place to hide; right in plain sight." I shake my head. 

"No, I wasn't trying to hide." He shrugs.

"Why'd you have to meddle with McClain? One more dead kid is a good thing." I glare at him. 

"He's my friend!" He glares back. 

"If he's such a good friend, then why are we letting Kogane live? The dude that made McClain want to kill himself? Nothing ever changes, and honestly-" I cut him off. 

"Hey, we are out of the change business." Pretty soon we're talking over each other

"So we just let Kogane run around ruining the same old lives for the same old people, because all that it does-"

"No, listen, you promised me, listen, you promised-" I take a step closer to him. 

"Listen to me, listen to me. Just, don't talk over me, okay? You promised me." His shoulders relax slightly. 

"I promised." I smile tiredly. 

"Thank you." He leans down and kisses me. 

"Gee dad, ever heard of knocking? I was playing grab-ass with my girlfriend." I jump as his father walks in and quickly step behind Lotor who smirks. 

"Well you know the rules, young man. When company's over the bedroom door stays open." His father rolls his eyes. 

"So the judge, god bless him, told those idiot groupies to slap shit and die. You should've seen the fireworks, I got it right here on video. I packed the upper floors with thermals, set off the whole thing with a Norwegian in the boiler room. Ka-boom. Be right back, I'm gonna want my drawstring pants for this." He leaves and Lotor waits until we can hardly hear him moving around. Then, as quick as lightning, he whips out his gun and shoots the ceiling. There's a yell from somewhere else. 

"God damnit, no firearms in the house!" Lotor laughs and I take a step away, closer to the door, a cold chill taking over my body. 

"...Why are you carrying a gun?" He laughs again and shrugs. 

"It pissed off my dad, it was funny." I shake my head and take another step. 

"It's not funny, none of this is funny! You're carrying a loaded weapon! You promised me." He snorts. 

"It's a dangerous world." I glare. 

"Yeah, because of you." I take another step and narrow my eyes. "You know what? Don't call me. Don't talk to me." He takes a half-step forwards. I take another back. 

"Katie-" I shake my head. 

"No, you don't understand the difference between right and wrong, we're over." I take another step, almost to the door. He takes a step toward me. 

"Come on, come back!" There's a pleading tone in his voice. 

"No, we're over!" He waves his arms wildly as he speaks. 

"I love you-" I go completely and utterly still. Lotor looks at my face and pales as he realises that he's pointing it right at me. He drops it like it burned him. He slowly holds out his other hand. I look at it, look at him, and set my shoulders. 

"Goodbye, Lotor." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh.
> 
> I'm really hating the first person point of view but it's too late to change it now.


	14. Certain Girls Are Meant To Be Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Diary,
> 
> How will Lotor react to a suicide that isn't of his own creation?

The faint noise of the cheerleaders practicing can be heard, muffled by the doors, as I sit in an empty classroom, opposite Keith Kogane. "I now know thee, thou clear spirit." I dig in the pocket of my coat and pull out an envelope. Keith raises an eyebrow as he weighs said envelope. 

"That's from Moby Dick." I smirk. 

"You're very well-read."

"What's in the envelope?" I gesture for him to open it and he complies. It's full of pictures that spill onto the table. 

"Shit."

"Just a tangible reminder that at one point a few years back, you and Hunk Garrett dated." Keith swallows. 

"Where did you get these pictures? Did  _Pidge_  give them to you? What do you want, money?" I slowly put all the photos back into the envelope and put it into my pocket. 

"A favour." Keith snorts. 

"No way." I continue. 

"I want your  _strength_. The Garrison doesn't need mushy togetherness, it needs a leader." I pause. "Shiro  _was_ that leader but..." Keith still looks unsure. 

"He's the only one  _fit_ to be a leader."

"I think you are. In Catcher in the Rye, Holden says his ideal job'd be making sure some kids don't fall off a cliff. He doesn't realize if you pay too much attention to the kids, you'll back off the cliff yourself." Keith pauses. 

"The photographs?" I grin. 

"Don't worry. Like I said, I'll ask you to do a favour, one you'll enjoy. You'll get the negatives and everything back then."

 

* * *

 

 

I stand, leaning on my croquet mallet as Lance takes a shot. He jumps and misses when he hears Keith's voice. "Hey guys, missed you after eighth period." I snort. 

"We were avoiding you." Lance nods but I see him take a small step back, towards me. 

"What you did to me sucked." Keith sighs. 

"Fine, skip the foreplay. I need you both to sign this." He holds out a clipboard. I take a few steps closer. 

"What is that?" 

"It's a petition to have the governor declare a day of remembrance to honor the victims of suicide. I've gotten everyone to sign it, even the dweebs and losers." Lance takes the clipboard and signs. I shake my head. 

"I'm not signing that." Keith pulls a face. "It was your boyfriend's idea." I freeze. 

"Lotor?" Keith nods, bored. 

"He made up the signature sheet and everything." I take another step. 

"Look, I don't know what Lotor is up to, but if you know what's good for you, please just throw that away." Keith snorts. 

"Not a chance. I'll just fake your signature like I did with Hunk's. He's in no shape to sign anything today." 

"Why not?" Keith smirks. 

"It's on the radio. He took a belly flop off the Old Mill Bridge last night holding a suicide note." I drop my mallet. Shiro stands next to Keith, smirking. 

"Oh my god, is he okay?" He yawns.

"Just some broken bones." He smirks at me. "Just another geek trying to imitate the popular people and  _failing miserably_." He leaves and Lance follows, miserable. I turn and run, over to the hospital a few blocks over. Shiro laughs from in front of me.

"Keep it together. After all, didn't I say you would come far? Now, you're  _truly_  one of us." Rolo laughs next to me. 

"Just smell how... gangster you are!" I run faster. 

 

I stand by Hunk's bed. He looks like he's barely breathing. "Hunk, I'm so sorry." 

"He's not looking so good. Still, you have earned your place." There's a soft pause. "Why not come join me in Hell?" 

 

I burst through the front door, tears streaming down my cheeks. I get to the bottom of the stairs before a hand is placed on my shoulder and I get turned around. "Where have you been?" My mother nods from behind my father. 

"We've been worried sick! Your friend... Lotor stopped by, he told us everything." I flinch. 

"'Everything'?" Dad takes a step forward. 

"Your depression? Your thoughts of suicide?" 

"He even showed us your copy of Moby Dick!" She hands me a book and, with shaking hands, I open it and my blood runs cold. It's full to the brim with notes in my handwriting. Shiro grins and leans over my shoulder. 

"He's got your handwriting down cold." 

"Please, honey, talk to us." I shake my head and turn away. 

"No, you wouldn't understand." 

"Try me! I've experienced everything you're going through! I know it all seems impossibly dramatic!" I look out the window and flinch. Down the street I can see a figure, illuminated by the streetlights. 

"Guess who's right down the block?" Shiro almost  _sings_. 

"Your problems seem like... life and death!" 

"Guess who's climbing the stairs?" 

"I  _promise_  they're not." 

"Guess who's picking your lock?" I glare. 

"You don't know what my world looks like!" Shiro laughs by my ear. 

"Times up!" He waves. "Go say your prayers!" I race up the stairs, my heart pounding. I hear movement outside my window and quickly barricade myself in the closet. I hear the window creak as it opens and I press myself against the door. I can see Lotor sitting on the windowsill, grinning. 

"Knock, knock." He laughs. "Sorry for coming through the window, dreadful etiquette, I know." I glare. 

"Get out of my house!" He grins and slinks his way over to me. 

"Hiding in the closet? Come  _on_! Open the door." I shake my head, even though he can't see me. 

"No, I'll scream, my parents will call the police." He laughs. 

"All is forgiven, baby. Come on, get dressed! You're my date to the pep rally tonight!" 

"What? Why?" 

"Your classmates thought they were signing a petition. You gotta come out here and see what they really signed." He clears his through. "First though: I should kill you really. You through me out like I was  _nothing_. But then I thought, 'what if I got rid of highschool instead?' because, really, those  _assholes_  are what's keeping you away from me! They- they made you blind and... messed up your mind! But, I can set you free!" He swallows and pulls something out of his pocket. "So! I built a  _bomb!_ Let's guarantee that they don't ever see their senior prom!" I let out a tiny gasp. He puts his hand on the door and I unconsciously do the same on my side. "I was meant be yours, we were meant to be one! Please, don't give up on me  _now._ Let's finish what we've begun." I cry silently. He steps back. "In the rubble of their tomb, we'll plant this note to explain  _why_ they died!" He clears his throat and pulls out a sheet. I recognise it as the signature sheet. He peels off the top bit and begins to read. "We, the students of the Galaxy Garrison, will die. Our burned bodies will finally get through to you. Your society churns out slaves and blanks. No thanks. Signed the students of the Galaxy Garrison. Goodbye." I take a step back and begin rooting through my clothes. "We'll watch the smoke pour out the doors! We can toast marshmallows and smile and cuddle while the fire roars!" He steps closer as I begin tying up and old sheet. "We were  _meant_ to be together!  _Please._ I can't make it alone!  _I_ am  _all_ that you need. You... you carved my heart open, you can't just leave me here to bleed!" I bite my lip. I hope this works. I close my eyes. 

 

* * *

 

"Katie!" I bang on the closet door. "Katie please open the door!  _Please_ Katie. I don't want to fight." I pause. "I know you're scared but I've been in your place! I can- I can set you free! Please don't make me come in there. I'll- I'll count to three, okay?" I take a breath. "One... two...  _fuck it_!" I kick down the door. My heart drops to my stomach. She's hanging there from a noose. "Oh my god! No!  _Katie_!" Tears are dripping down my face. I take a step towards her. " _Please._ Please don't leave me alone. You- you were all I could trust. I can't- I can't do this alone!" Suddenly, I wipe my eyes. If she was driven to do this, I must... avenge her. "Still, I will if I must!" I hear a voice from the top of the stairs. 

"Katie? I brought you a snack!" I turn and leave through the window. As I get to the bottom, I hear a scream. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost at the end.


	15. Ending Number One - At Dreams End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gone  
> gone  
> g o n e

I drop, my feet skimming the bottom of my closet. I lean down to untie the sheet from around my waist and look up. My mum is standing in front of me, mouth open in a silent scream. Behind her I can see Matt, standing still and white as a sheet, mouth agape. We stand in a silent standoff until my dad walks in. He looks at us one-by-one until his gaze lands on the sheet, hanging as a rope from the ceiling of my closet. He takes a step forward and Matt focuses his gaze back on me and blinks owlishly. I snap back into action and am out of my bedroom door in the blink of an eye. I spin round in my doorway and sigh. "I'm sorry, by the way." Matt raises an eyebrow.

"For what?" I shake my head, tears in my eyes.

"For being a _horrible_ person!" I race down the stairs and skim through the objects by the front door. I see what I'm looking for and pick it up. I swing the croquet mallet a few times then put it over my shoulder, satisfied. I put my hand on the key in the door, and I hear my dad behind me.

"Where are you _going_?" I sigh and step out the door.

"Out."

"When will you be back?" I give my family one last backwards glance. They're all huddled together in the doorway, soft light enveloping them. Not a bad last sight. I smile sadly.

"That's a good question." I let the door swing shut and I run. Run away from the false safety of my home and towards my dangerous reality.

 

* * *

 

I can't stop thinking. Running has always been like this for me. It's always made me think rather than cast away my problems. I'm thinking about Lotor. Of _course_ I am. I remember meeting him, remember how... how safe I felt with him. I let him infest me with his bitterness and hate. I arrive at the school and sigh. I see Lotor's bike and I skim my hand over it. I close my eyes and whisper.

"His solution is a lie. No one here _actually_ deserves to die." I snort. "Well, except for me, I mean. And, well, the monster that I created." I open my eyes, steel my nerves and walk through the door.

 

Immediately I get accosted by Mr. Smythe. He grabs me by the shoulder.

"Pidge!" I jump.

"What?"

"Lotor Galran _just_ told me that you committed suicide. Do you need to talk to someone?" I snort.

"Yeah... well, he's wrong about a lot of things." The bitterness is evident in my voice. I shake my head. "I don't have time for this. Mr. Smythe, what's under the gym?" He pauses for a moment, twirling his mustache.

"Hmm... the boiler room! Why?" I turn to leave.

"Nothing you need to worry about." _Hopefully._  

 

I place a soft hand on the door marked as the 'boiler room'. This is it. I snort. _'The final boss'_. Still a nerd, even when faced with death. I push open the door and descend the old, creaky steps.

 

* * *

 

I see his hair first.

The boiler room is badly lit, the light coming from the gym above and from the top of the staircase. I step forwards and hold out my croquet mallet. "Step away from the bomb." He flinches slightly and turns to me. His eyes light up and I see a smile begin to play on his lips. He focuses on my eyes and defensive stance and I watch as his face sets.

"And here I thought you _lost_ your taste for faking suicides." I see his eyes linger on my lips before he moves to the side to show me what he was doing. "And this?" He stands. "This is not a bomb. This is simply to trigger the packs of thermals upstairs in the gym." He grins. "Now _those._.. those are bombs!" He takes a step forward and I raise my mallet. He sighs. "The world is going to see the Garrison go up in _flames_. And when they do, they can't blame society because this school _is_ society. The only place that... that Shiros and Hunks can get along is in _heaven_!" He swallows and when he next talks, his voice is steady. "Now, isn't that poetic?" I shake my head, tears in my eyes.

"You're talking about _lives_ Lotor! Real people with real families!" He sighs.

"They're _polluting_ this world! They don't _deserve_ to live! Life is war and history is always written by the victors. You and I." I shake my head.

"I... I wish that your mother had been just a _little_ stronger and, ultimately, stayed around a little more." His face twists with pain. "I wish your dad had been good! I wish grownups understood us and took us seriously. I wish that... that I had met you before everyone convinced you that life is war." I take a step closer and hold out a hand. "I wish that you'd come with me. I wish-"

" _I_ wish that I had more TNT!" He grabs my hand and yanks me down. The croquet mallet clatters on the floor. Lotor kneels over me and grins. I slowly move my hand across the floor until I grasp the handle of the mallet. I swing it full force at Lotor. He swears and jumps back. I scramble to my feet and lunge towards the door. He slams me into the wall and wraps his hands round my neck. I grab at his waist, towards the pocket where I know he keeps his gun. He takes it as me blindly grasping and ignores it. I grab the gun and manage to point it at his chest. He steps back surprised and... slightly impressed? Proud? He grapples with me for the gun and, as we fight, the gun between us, it goes off.

Lotor falls back, clutching his chest. He laughs though it sounds choked. "Was that good for you? It kinda sucked for me." I shake my head, tears in my eyes.

"It's over Lotor, it's over!" His eyelids flutter and he groans. "Please, tell me which wire to pull! What wire is it Lotor?" He's still. I sob and bend to pick up the bomb.

 

* * *

 

"Dear diary, the irony of this is that I never got to write my own suicide note." I choke back a sob and clutch the bomb closer to my chest. I hear ragged breathing and look up to see Lotor limping his way towards me. His long, pale hair is matted and bloody. He smiles crookedly when he sees me looking.

"S-smart girl. Bring the trigger bomb out here to the football field and nobody dies." He pauses and I can see him struggling for breath. "Except you, if you keep holding onto that thing." I let out a bitter laugh and shake my head, holding back tears. 

"I don't deserve to live." Lotor snorts. 

"I respectfully... respectfully disagree." He steps forwards. "Give it to me." I flinch and step back. 

"Stay away from me." He stumbles and both of us fall to the ground. I'm still clutching the bomb, knuckles white. Lotor looks over at me. 

"Or what?" I pause and he smiles sadly. "I... I am damaged." He lets out a laugh. "Far too damaged. But... you're not beyond repair. You should... stick around down here, make things better. After all, you did beat me fair and square." Slowly, he shuffles over to me and pries the bomb from my grip. He forces himself to stand and limps away from me, holding the bomb tight. He gives me a soft, half-smile. "Please... please stand back now." I struggle to my feet and take a small step back. He snorts, looking at the ground. "A little further." I comply and Lotor's shoulders drop with relief. "I... don't know what this thing will do..." He looks up, tears dripping off his chin and a smile on his face. He takes another step back and I mirror the action. "I hope you'll miss me." I swallow noisily, tears gathering in my eyes. He smiles sadly at me. "I wish you'd kiss me and then... and then you'd know that I  _worship_  you." I let out a choked sob, tears making my vision blur. "I'll trade my life for yours-" I can't stem the flow of tears.

"Oh my God-" 

"And once I disappear-" I go to step forward but Lotor steps back, holding up one of his hands to stop me.  

"Wait! Hold on-" 

"Clean up the mess down here!" 

"Not this way!" I furiously wipe my eyes, drinking in the sight of Lotor before me, committing his face to memory. He seems to be doing the same. He smiles lopsidedly at me. 

"...Our love is God." I swallow, holding myself back from running straight over to him. I take one last look at him and smile softly, tears running down my face. Lotor must see it in my eyes and he smiles back, an apology in his face. 

"Say hi to God." I turn and sink to the ground, curling myself up into a ball and I let myself cry. I hear Lotor sigh softly. Then... everything goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> G o o d end?
> 
> Two left.


	16. Ending Number Two - The Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're dead  
> They're dead  
> They're d e a d
> 
> And it's all my fault

"...Our love is God." I swallow, holding myself back from running straight over to him. I take one last look at him and smile softly, tears running down my face. Lotor must see it in my eyes and he smiles back, an apology in his face. 

 

"Say hi to God." I turn and sink to the ground, curling myself up into a ball and I let myself cry. I hear Lotor sigh softly. Then... everything goes black.

 

* * *

 

 

My eyes flutter open and I gasp. Lotor is standing there, holding the bomb. My eyes go to the school behind him and I scream. It's been blown up.

I look back at the bomb in his hands then up to his face. He stares back. "I... well... that was unexpected."

"Is that _all_ you have to say for yourself!" I don't know how I found the words. But, now they're out, they won't stop. "H- Hunk... Lance... holy shit. They're all gone. They're all fucking gone. I... I can't pretend like I can handle this by myself anymore. I- I have to turn you in." He snorts. 

"Yeah, no, that's not happening." He takes a breath and carelessly drops the bomb on the ground. "I was... I was _so ready_ to die. I'm not going to spend this chance in a _fucking_ prison cell! Don't you see? I was a... a sign that what we were doing - what we _did_ \- was right!" He laughs. He sounds psychotic. "You were _wrong,_ Katie! _I_ was right! We're on the right path!" He spins and gestures at the ruins of the school, his back to me. "We did it, Pidge! Now the Garrison can burn in hell where it belongs!" I shake my head.

"Like hell, _asshole_!" He turns back to face me. "I had _nothing_ to do with this! This is _all_ your fault- my slate is _fucking clean_ , don't try to rope _my_ ass into _your_ mess!" He steps closer and grips me by the shoulders.

"You want to play the fucking blame game?" His voice is quieter now, softer. Somehow, that's even worse than him screaming. " _Your_ fingerprints are all over the bomb and the gun. Plus, _you_ shot _me_. Sure, _I_ might be the prime subject but _you're_ my partner in crime, remember? Yale? Harvard? Brown? Forget it, you'll rot in jail until you die. Face it, you have no future anymore. _I'm_ your future now." He steps back and grins at me. I can't move. I can't speak. Tears are dripping down my face. "Oh, and, you grabbed the _wrong fucking bomb_! So, really this was all _your_ fault. You can't pin that one on me, can you?" He shakes his head. "Grab your stuff. We're hightailing it out of here at dawn." I take one last, long look at the school.

This is my fault.

I numbly trail after Lotor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> B a d end
> 
> One left.
> 
> [...](http://we-killed-the-dinosaurs.tumblr.com)


	17. Ending Number Three - I Know I'm a Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> B r o k e n
> 
> G o n e
> 
> ... 
> 
> I l o v e him

I pause outside the door marked boiler room. Tears fill my eyes and I slowly let go of my croquet mallet. I take a deep breath and begin to make my way down the stairs.

 

I see Lotor kneeling by a pipe, presumably attaching the bomb to it. I make a small noise in the back of my throat and he turns. " _Katie_?" I nod, tears threatening to spill out.

"I'm so sorry! I was so scared and I didn't know what else to do. I... I shouldn't have-" He hugs me tight.

"Don't worry about it, you're here now. I'm taking this as proof that you've seen what we've been doing is right?" I nod into his shoulder.

"We're trying to make the world a better place. I know that now. And... there's no other way to do it." Lotor lets go of me and grins.

"Come on then sweetheart, I'm almost done."

 

* * *

 

 

We walk through the dark school, hand-in-hand. I pause when we reach the gym doors and look in. It's packed. I feel a twinge of guilt, even more so when I see Lance at the front, grinning brightly. What was the point of me saving him? Lotor places a soft hand on my back and steers me towards the front of the school. 

 

We leave in silence. I turn and take one last look at the school. I hear the yelling from the gym and tears well in my eyes again. Slowly, I force myself the turn and sit inside of Lotor's car. As we drive away, I stare at the school through the rear view mirror until it's out of sight. 

 

I hear a loud noise, then sirens. The bomb has gone off. They're all dead.

Lotor places his hand on mine and smiles softly. I smile back. I've got Lotor and he's all I need.

I love him.

I love him.

I   l o v e   h i m.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> B r o k e n end.
> 
> All gone.
> 
> And then there were none.
> 
> No chapters.
> 
> No one is whole anymore. 
> 
>  
> 
> [...](https://youtu.be/V4VQQopMR-A)

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my Tumblr - [thedoomedprophet](https://thedoomedprophet.tumblr.com).


End file.
